Foreplay Techniques

Looking to spice up your sex life and create a more intimate connection to your partner?  Foreplay is a great way to enhance sex.  It can solve problems with timing, help treat premature ejaculation and impotence, and make sex a more varied and fun experience all around.  There is no “right” or “wrong” way to do foreplay.  Every couple is different and has different desires and connects in unique ways.  There is no “best” technique to drive your partner wild, but here are some general ideas to get you started as well as some specific suggestions.  This article is aimed at men, but if you’re a lady, a lot of this advice should be useful to you as well.

• Just ask.  A lot of people are shy about this, because shyness surrounding sex is well ingrained by our culture (yes, even though we’re surrounded by “sex, sex, sex” in the media; it’s a mixed message).  There’s nothing wrong with asking your partner what turns her on.  In fact, she’ll probably appreciate it, and may even be turned on just by your asking!  Most people, both men and women, want their partner to show a genuine interest in their sexuality.

• Do something that turns you on, too.  One of the biggest mistakes people make about foreplay (men especially) is thinking that any foreplay will be appreciated and will pay off.  Most women enjoy foreplay for foreplay’s sake.  Sex or an orgasm are the result of arousal, not the goal.  If you are doing foreplay just to get on to your objective, your partner will notice, and it won’t make her happy.  Likewise, if you’re doing something because you think it will turn her on but it doesn’t interest you at all, there’s a good choice she’ll find it ultimately unsatisfying since she wants you to have a good time as well.

• Try giving her a massage.  If you’re not used to foreplay, odds are you aren’t really stimulating or experiencing your partner’s whole body.  A massage is pleasant and can relieve stress, but it can also turn your partner on in the right context.  It’s a great way to tease and also to show your partner that you love her entire body.  Another bonus is that by giving your partner a full body massage, you may well learn more about her than you knew before.  Many people have erogenous zones which aren’t altogether obvious, and this is one way you can discover them.  A related idea is to give your partner a bath.

• Kissing is a good mainstay.  Kissing is more intimate for some people than sex is, so don’t forget about it.  Kissing on the mouth is particularly effective for many couples, but don’t neglect the rest of your partner’s body either.

• For some people, verbal foreplay like flirting and dirty talk is a big turn-on.  Don’t forget that there are other things you can do with your tongue beyond the obvious.  Foreplay is about getting your mind and not just your body involved.  Studies have shown that this can enhance the way we experience life, including sex.

• There is no roadmap to your partner’s genitals.  There are numerous techniques for sending your partner to the heights of ecstasy, but you can do your partner a favor by realizing here and now that there is no single perfect technique that makes every woman see stars.  Not all women can have vaginal orgasms, for example.  And out of those that can, there may be very different angles of approach or types of stimulation which are needed.  The g-spot can be located in a whole range of areas.  Some women will never find theirs.  Direct clitoral stimulation is great for some women and painful for others.  For that matter, penetration is painful for many women as well.  For some women, many pleasurable sensations can also come from stimulation of the labia or thighs.  The best thing you can do is ask your partner for feedback when you stimulate her, and understand once again that there is no “right” way to perform oral sex or give your partner a handjob.

• If you have an idea, bring it up.  Is there something you’ve always wanted to try in the bedroom, but you’ve never mentioned it because you’re concerned that your partner will judge you?  It shows real trust to bring up something you want to do, and it may turn your partner on that you’re willing to put that trust in her.  And maybe it’s something she’ll be interested in doing as well.  You never know unless you ask.  It also shows that you’ve been thinking about foreplay, and that you’re genuinely interested, not just using it as a means to an end.

• Be yourselves.  The most satisfied couples are usually those who are most willing to be themselves and to really open up to each other emotionally and physically.  This might mean sharing a special fantasy or a kink that you’ve kept to yourself most of your life or which your partner has never been able to share.  Having an open mind and accepting your partner and yourself as you both are is the key to a great sex life.

A Note About Timing

Another misconception about foreplay is thinking that it’s something you do for a concrete time period right before you have sex.  That is exactly how it works for a lot of couples, but not all couples do things this way.  Many couples use foreplay throughout the day or even longer building up to a sexual encounter.  For others, it’s an omnipresent part of day to day life.  Sexuality doesn’t need to stay confined to the bedroom, and let’s be honest—for most of us it doesn’t.  You don’t become a less sexual being just because you’re going about the rest of your day, do you?  Show your partner more physical attention outside the bedroom and you’ll oftentimes be able to rekindle the spark in the bedroom.