The Deep Spot

Maybe you’re in what seems like a great relationship in most respects, but you can’t seem to get the woman you’re sleeping with to have an orgasm.  If so, this can be very frustrating, and it can be tempting to think that there is a simple solution, and every so often, someone comes up with one.  One of those simple solutions to crop up recently online is the so-called “deep spot,” a spot which is apparently six inches into the vagina.  According to proponents of the “deep spot” technique, if you massage this spot forcefully, a woman will have explosive orgasms.  It’s a bit like the G-spot, except that the location is further up inside the vagina.

So is the deep spot for real, and can it solve your sexual problems?  The jury seems to still be out on this one, and in all likelihood that isn’t going to change anytime soon.  Why not?  Because every woman is different, and every couple has its own unique sexual dynamics.  For some women, this technique may work and may result in explosive orgasms—for others it might have no result at all.  There really is no guaranteed way to make a woman cum.

Many women aren’t actually capable of vaginal orgasms at all, or if they are, they may come seldomly, and only if specific areas are stimulated (like the deep spot).  Which areas these are can vary greatly however, as can other specifics which need to be in place, such as the timing, or the type of stimulation.  It can take a woman who has difficulty with vaginal orgasms years to figure out the right way to go about it—and there really is no “science” of orgasms, since again, every person is different.

Getting to the Root of the Problem

What are the possible explanations for why you can’t get your partner to have an orgasm?  There are endless reasons which may account for it.  Firstly, it’s possible you’re “doing it wrong,” but again, it may take a long time for you to figure out the “right” way to go about it.  You can certainly try different techniques, but you also may have to accept the possibility that the woman you’re with cannot have a vaginal orgasm.  In which case, one solution might be to try changing your sexual techniques a bit to satisfy you both.  If you try stimulating the clitoris before and during penetration by using grinding motions instead of just thrusting, you may be able to give your partner an orgasm while you also cum inside her.

It’s also possible that timing isn’t synching up.  Your partner may simply need a substantially longer time than you do to have an orgasm.  While you could look at this as a deficiency on her part, it may just as well be one on yours.  Premature ejaculation can be defined as any time a man comes sooner than he or his partner would like.  If it only takes you a few minutes to have an orgasm but your partner needs longer, you can try to learn how to last longer in bed so that you can both have a satisfying sexual experience.

You may also need to acknowledge that you could just have a partner who isn’t going to have orgasms that often.  This is perfectly normal, and it’s not necessarily something you can change.  Some women (and men) simply aren’t hardwired to have orgasms all that often.  You shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking this means your partner isn’t very “sexual,” since those are two completely different things.  It also doesn’t mean your partner isn’t satisfied.  The only way to find that out is to ask.  Your partner may be just fine with her sexuality and the way her body works.  For some people sex is a broader topic and experience than just having an orgasm.  Some men make the mistake of complicating their relationships by assuming that their partner has a problem when in fact she doesn’t.

You also should consider that you simply may not be turning your partner on.  While many people are satisfied with plain old intercourse, plenty more prefer other sexual activities, and may not reach the level of arousal which is necessary for an orgasm without other activities.  Intercourse is just one aspect of the entire sexual spectrum, and you may want to take the time to find out what your partner’s preferences are.

Finally, you should ask yourself whether there may be a problem in your relationship causing your partner to be unable to orgasm.  Just as men may experience impotence or premature ejaculation as a result of other problems in the relationship (which may or may not be related directly to sex), women may experience similar symptoms.  Depression and anxiety can also cause a woman to be unable to achieve orgasm, and may also result in a decrease of sex drive altogether.  If there are underlying psychological problems, they may (or may not) be responsible for why your partner isn’t able to have an orgasm.

If you’ve been blaming yourself or your partner for this issue, you need to recognize that blame is not going to solve the problem (if a problem even exists).  All it will do is exacerbate the issue by introducing anxiety and discord into a situation where none necessarily existed before.  Open communication and open-mindedness are both going to play essential roles in helping you to figure out what, if anything, you can do to help your partner to enjoy more satisfying sex.
Hopefully now you can see why there isn’t one simple magical solution which fits every situation.  While the deep spot may help your partner to have an orgasm, it also may not.  There is no secret recipe to getting a woman off.  The only approach which is ultimately going to add fulfillment to your lives is to get to know your partner as an individual and to explore your sexuality together.

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