One of the most important topics in dating is often overlooked by men: That topic is body language.
While most teachers and instructors will tell you to stand up straight, have a good foundation, and look a woman in the eye; what is really being said by our bodies is often unseen.
Having a good physical appearance, posture, and stance is crucial, but having a solid understanding of human body language can greatly improve your interactions with the opposite sex.
Body language makes up between 60-70 percent of all human communication. Humans have been communicating with our bodies FAR longer than with speech or written languages. The benefit and plus of understanding body language is that it’s universal.
A picture of a smiling, laughing baby is a picture of a happy baby no matter what part of the world you’re in. A picture of a man with his fist clench, eyes squinted and his brow low is an angry man no matter who you speak to.
While there is some cultural difference in body language, the majority of it hasn’t changed in the hundreds of thousands of years humans have walked this earth.
The study of body language has helped greatly in the fields of law enforcement and psychology. While those are fascinating fields, I’m mainly going to focus on body language in the world of pick up, dating, and sex.
I would beg to differ that what we are really saying with our bodies to one another is going to make or break you when it comes to approaching and talking to women.
I’m going to burst a lot of bubbles and say that no matter how good of an opener you think you may be, in reality, it is 90% proven that women open up all communication when it comes to attracting a mate.
A man may believe that he’s being smooth and charming coming up and talking to a woman, but in fact, it is she that has given him permission to do so. How she had done so usually involves a combination of eye contact, glancing, smiling, and facial signals. We will cover that later.
In nature it is the female of the species that often begins courtship. We can look at examples of this in our distant cousins, the primates.
Often female members of a group will go through a form of prominent swelling or conspicuous coloration of their perineal region during the part of their menstrual cycle when they are most likely to ovulate. This is similar to a female baboon’s hind quarters becoming large and swollen, signaling that she is ready for mating. Human females share a slight connection to this when aroused. Blood flow will be sent to the genital, lips, and breasts, making them swell. Hence why red lip stick is used to amplify sexual invitation. The ancient Egyptians were quite aware of too.
While human females don’t put out visible indictors of when she is ready to mate, they have evolved similar means to signal when she is most likely ovulating.
Examples include:
1. Changes in a woman’s voice to sound more attractive.
2. Women’s choice of clothing. A woman is more likely to wear more revealing clothing during her ovulation cycle.
3. Women are more likely to recognize masculine features on man.
4. Ovulation will also effect a woman’s dating preference. She may be more likely to enjoy a quick one night stand as opposed to looking for full relationship.
Reading body language is best when it’s used in “clusters” so to speak. It’s a combination of certain actions when read together form a sentence of what a person is really saying.
Here are some things a woman will do to signal you that she’s interested in interacting. Keep in mind these may be very quick and done out of order. But the message is still the same.
A.) She looks at you. A woman will look around a room and see a guy she likes. She will wait until you notice her, hold eye contact with you and then look away. Most men will think nothing of it and wait to see if she does it again. The woman will on average have to do this 3 times before a man approaches her.
Quick note: shy girls may not have the confidence to make direct eye contact with a guy they like. What they will do instead is orbit around them until they are noticed. Examples of this could be a cute girl always being near you at a party, store, etc but not directly approaching. Or a cute girl at the gym may always be within your field of vision or near you while you’re working out.
B.) She smiles at you. A woman will give a half quick smile, indicating that she’s friendly. People only smile at things they like. Try smiling at something you hate, it feels forced and unnatural. If a woman smiles at you, it’s a good indicator that she’s attracted to you. If you see a woman looking and smiling at you, it’s a green light you can approach. You wouldn’t believe how many men fail to do this, making the woman feel that he’s not attracted to her.
C.) She will preen herself. This includes fixing her hair, reapplying her make-up, adjusting her clothes, etc. This also includes exposing her neck, letting her wrist go limp, tilting her helps towards you and showing you her best side. Men do this too by standing straight, puffing out their chest, putting their hands in their belt. Adjusting ties, or other pieces of clothing.
D.) Talk. This is where most guys will use their opening lines. Neither being direct or indirect. They feel like they’re the ones starting the conversation. This stage breaks the ice and allows the couple to start conversing with one another. Flirting often follows.
E.) Touch. This is the MOST important factor. If a woman touches you, or finds any reasons to lightly brush you, or touch you on the arm of hand, this is a clear signal that she likes you. Malcolm and Just Dave talk about the importance of touch all the time. If for whatever reason a woman touches your hands, arms, shoulder, etc, it is a signal that she likes you and it gives you permission to touch her back.
In the next part of “Body Language in Dating”, I will cover when it’s the right time to approach a group of women, how to stand, and what her body is really telling you when you’re engaging in conversation. Stay tuned!
While most teachers and instructors will tell you to stand up straight, have a good foundation, and look a woman in the eye; what is really being said by our bodies is often unseen.
Having a good physical appearance, posture, and stance is crucial, but having a solid understanding of human body language can greatly improve your interactions with the opposite sex.
Body language makes up between 60-70 percent of all human communication. Humans have been communicating with our bodies FAR longer than with speech or written languages. The benefit and plus of understanding body language is that it’s universal.
A picture of a smiling, laughing baby is a picture of a happy baby no matter what part of the world you’re in. A picture of a man with his fist clench, eyes squinted and his brow low is an angry man no matter who you speak to.
While there is some cultural difference in body language, the majority of it hasn’t changed in the hundreds of thousands of years humans have walked this earth.
The study of body language has helped greatly in the fields of law enforcement and psychology. While those are fascinating fields, I’m mainly going to focus on body language in the world of pick up, dating, and sex.
I would beg to differ that what we are really saying with our bodies to one another is going to make or break you when it comes to approaching and talking to women.
I’m going to burst a lot of bubbles and say that no matter how good of an opener you think you may be, in reality, it is 90% proven that women open up all communication when it comes to attracting a mate.
A man may believe that he’s being smooth and charming coming up and talking to a woman, but in fact, it is she that has given him permission to do so. How she had done so usually involves a combination of eye contact, glancing, smiling, and facial signals. We will cover that later.
In nature it is the female of the species that often begins courtship. We can look at examples of this in our distant cousins, the primates.
Often female members of a group will go through a form of prominent swelling or conspicuous coloration of their perineal region during the part of their menstrual cycle when they are most likely to ovulate. This is similar to a female baboon’s hind quarters becoming large and swollen, signaling that she is ready for mating. Human females share a slight connection to this when aroused. Blood flow will be sent to the genital, lips, and breasts, making them swell. Hence why red lip stick is used to amplify sexual invitation. The ancient Egyptians were quite aware of too.
While human females don’t put out visible indictors of when she is ready to mate, they have evolved similar means to signal when she is most likely ovulating.
Examples include:
1. Changes in a woman’s voice to sound more attractive.
2. Women’s choice of clothing. A woman is more likely to wear more revealing clothing during her ovulation cycle.
3. Women are more likely to recognize masculine features on man.
4. Ovulation will also effect a woman’s dating preference. She may be more likely to enjoy a quick one night stand as opposed to looking for full relationship.
Reading body language is best when it’s used in “clusters” so to speak. It’s a combination of certain actions when read together form a sentence of what a person is really saying.
Here are some things a woman will do to signal you that she’s interested in interacting. Keep in mind these may be very quick and done out of order. But the message is still the same.
A.) She looks at you. A woman will look around a room and see a guy she likes. She will wait until you notice her, hold eye contact with you and then look away. Most men will think nothing of it and wait to see if she does it again. The woman will on average have to do this 3 times before a man approaches her.
Quick note: shy girls may not have the confidence to make direct eye contact with a guy they like. What they will do instead is orbit around them until they are noticed. Examples of this could be a cute girl always being near you at a party, store, etc but not directly approaching. Or a cute girl at the gym may always be within your field of vision or near you while you’re working out.
B.) She smiles at you. A woman will give a half quick smile, indicating that she’s friendly. People only smile at things they like. Try smiling at something you hate, it feels forced and unnatural. If a woman smiles at you, it’s a good indicator that she’s attracted to you. If you see a woman looking and smiling at you, it’s a green light you can approach. You wouldn’t believe how many men fail to do this, making the woman feel that he’s not attracted to her.
C.) She will preen herself. This includes fixing her hair, reapplying her make-up, adjusting her clothes, etc. This also includes exposing her neck, letting her wrist go limp, tilting her helps towards you and showing you her best side. Men do this too by standing straight, puffing out their chest, putting their hands in their belt. Adjusting ties, or other pieces of clothing.
D.) Talk. This is where most guys will use their opening lines. Neither being direct or indirect. They feel like they’re the ones starting the conversation. This stage breaks the ice and allows the couple to start conversing with one another. Flirting often follows.
E.) Touch. This is the MOST important factor. If a woman touches you, or finds any reasons to lightly brush you, or touch you on the arm of hand, this is a clear signal that she likes you. Malcolm and Just Dave talk about the importance of touch all the time. If for whatever reason a woman touches your hands, arms, shoulder, etc, it is a signal that she likes you and it gives you permission to touch her back.
In the next part of “Body Language in Dating”, I will cover when it’s the right time to approach a group of women, how to stand, and what her body is really telling you when you’re engaging in conversation. Stay tuned!
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