How Romance Can Improve Your Sex Life

Two very common complaints which couples have about their relationships after some period of time has gone by involve sex and romance.  “The romance has died,” or “the passion has gone out,” are such widespread complaints as to be almost ubiquitous.  There are a couple of reasons that this happens.  The first is that many people experience an initial head-over-heels plunge when they meet someone exciting.  Everything about that person is new and mysterious.  Romance can be defined as encapsulating the feeling of excitement or mystery surrounding love.  It can also be defined as encompassing the activities which couples engage in to court each other.

The initial surge of excitement we feel when we meet someone can fade with time; the reason for that is partly chemical.  Our bodies just can’t exist with all those racing hormones all the time—life is not a permanent high and never will be.  The other reason however is pure laziness.  In our society we’re taught to value the new over the old, and to expect our relationships to get dull with time.  Not only that, but many people think that once they’ve got something, they no longer need to put effort into keeping it, and that includes love.  That means courtship rituals fall aside; couples stop exchanging significant looks or compliments, and the intimacy can slip away.  With the loss of intimacy comes a loss of physical and emotional connection, which generally can lead to a stale or even an absent sex life.

Be Realistic, Not Lazy

No amount of romance or sex is ever going to make your life into a permanent high.  You’re going to have comfortable routines and stability in any healthy relationship.  This is not a bad thing—much of what gives long-term relationships meaning transpires in the day to day, the ordinary, the routine.  Instead of letting that get you down, learn to integrate that into your relationship in a positive way.  In other words, be comfortable in your relationship, not stagnant.
When you first meet someone, those raging hormones often do all the hard work of creating a connection for you.  Sexual desire and activity are spontaneous for many people.  Without that spontaneity, a lot of people don’t know what to do, particularly given that we live in a society where we’re taught that means that our connection to our partners is drying up.  Ever wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce?  When people get bored with their relationships, they move on instead of acknowledge that they need to put work into them, and that the result can be rewarding.  So if you’re tired of your stagnant sex life with your partner or sick of wondering why the romance has died, why not try changing your perspective?  Ultimately your partner will have to do the same in order for things to work out, but positive change and growth in your relationship can start with you.

How to Bring the Romance Back

While for some couples romance and sex are not deeply intertwined, for most they are.  Those feelings of excitement and mystery may fade as you get to know your partner, but losing intimacy is the result not only of those raging hormones settling down but also a lack of effort to engage with your partner.  This is especially common after marriage, since marriage is typically seen as a “goal” of a relationship.  Once that goal is met, what then?  Most couples stop putting the same level of effort into making signs and signals of their affection, which reduces intimacy.  Here are some ways to reach out to your partner:

• Give your partner an unexpected gift.  If you’re trying to reignite your passion for each other, why not make it a sexy gift, like some new lingerie or a nice evening dress?  Sex toys are also good gift ideas.
• Drop more compliments.  When you’re dating someone, compliments are a way to signal that you’re interested.  Why not signal that you’re still interested?  Compliments show you’re paying attention, and that you still find your partner attractive, and are willing to make effort to show it.  Back when you first met your partner, you probably mentioned how much he or she meant to you pretty often.  How often do you do it now?
• Slow down.  This may sound like an odd one, but think about it.  How much of your time is wrapped up in getting stressful things done which are related to work, your budget, and other un-romantic things?  Take some time to really look at your partner when you talk to him or her.  Spend more time cuddling and enjoying each others’ company.  Replace perfunctory kisses with long, enjoyable ones.
• Communicate.  Most people, if they’re going to be honest, can probably come up with a list of things which are lacking in their sexual or romantic lives.  Consider simply asking your partner how you can be more romantic or whether he or she is looking for anything new in terms of sex.  Hopefully your partner will ask you too.  This can be a great way to show you care and to reconnect!

Showing your partner that you still find him or her interesting and important after all this time has passed proves to your partner that he or she is important to you, and that you still care as much as you did when you first met.  This in itself can create greater bonds of trust and can rekindle some of the excitement you’ve lost, which can do wonders for your sex life.  You also might start to realize that as well as you know your partner, there’s still a lot you probably don’t know about each other, especially since people change with time.  Part of the excitement of a long term relationship is being able to experience those changes together and to grow together.  Once you’ve both made more effort, you should find your relationship more rewarding and meaningful again.