Sex Talk Realness: Rim Jobs

Did you know that "rim job" backwards spells "fun?" Except it actually spells boj mir. Here are three real and sexually-active people discussing their rimming (read: anilingus) experiences.


Have you ever participated in anilingus (rimming, salad-tossing)?

Man A: Yes, I'd say I include the anus in about 15% of my pussy-eating expeditions. It's right there. There's skin separating the vulva and the anus is about as wide as 1 to 3 mouse's tails. It's not the great plains. The idea that someone would smush their face as deep as possible into a vagina, but absolutely draw the line at the anus, is ridiculous. It's like someone telling you how much they adore the German countryside but they would never, ever, set foot in Austria.

Man B: Yes, both giving and receiving. Thank you for using the term anilingus.

Woman A: I have had it done, but not performed it.


With a casual or serious partner?

Man A: Both. The best is when you do it to someone who doesn't know you're going to. There's an awkward moment where they're like "are you really doing that" but they don't say it with words — it's half moan half grunt. It's super sexy.

Man B: Serious partner.

Woman A: I feel like I've had it done with both, but I can't exactly remember. Definitely with a serious partner, MAYBE with a casual one?

How serious does the relationship have to be for you to do it?
Man A: Not at all. We could be having our first OK Cupid date and 2 hours later my tongue's club kids could be pushing at your rectum's velvet rope.

Man B: For me to do it on a girl I just have to feel confident that her butthole is clean, so not that serious I guess. For the girl to do it to me: she just has to ask and my butt needs to be clean/not have stray hairs, so also not that serious.

Woman A: I would let any guy do it to me, even if it was a one-night-stand.

Who's more into it, you or your partner?

Man A: It ranges. I like how taboo it is and their acquiescence to it, and they often enjoy that aspect as well, plus the physical sensation. Probably me, though. Have never had a girl ask for it.

Man B: The only girl to do it to me was an ex who asked if she could do it to me. I think she said it reminded her of giving a girl head. She was really into it.

Woman A: I think we were both into him doing it.

Was there an actual verbal request for it from either of you?

Man A: No.

Man B: Yes when I've received it from the one girl at least initially. Maybe during times I got head after that she would just go for it and not ask. The times I've done it to girls I guess I haven't asked. Maybe I like slowly worked my way down there and just kept going based on her reaction that she liked it.

Woman A: No.

Have you both given and received?

Man A: Yes.

Man B: Yes.

Woman A: I've only received.

If you have only received, why?

Woman A: I would probably never, ever give a rim job, unless it was one of his biggest fantasies and he requested it and he had just taken a shower. Then I guess I'd do it.

If you've only given, why? Do you feel like your ass is being overlooked?

Man A: Not very many women are into going down on a guy's ass. Rimming is something you do to a sub, and guys are more often in the dominant role. There's also the ick factor. Girls are often little more squeamish than boys. Then there's the perception thing. I would never ask a lady to do that, though I would certainly accept if she was into it.

Do you think there are the same obligations to mutually perform rimming the way there are with regular oral sex? Or the etiquette is different.

Man A: It's a different etiquette. Regular oral sex is like staying at someone's summer house; there's a reciprocal expectation. Going down on someone's ass is like paying off their IRS debt. It's not something you can expect to go both ways.

Man B: I don't think that there are the same obligations to give your partner a rimjob if they give you one. "To each asshole, its own," my mom would tell me. I am good with whatever my partner wants to do to. Rim jobs are in a category above "giving your partner head b/c they gave you head" reciprocation.

Woman A: Definitely different etiquette. I think it's fine not to reciprocate. (Although to be perfectly honest, in a non-serious relationship I think it's fine not to reciprocate oral. Don't men do that all the time? I've let men go down on me and not returned the favor numerous times. BUT MAYBE I'M JUST A BITCH.)

Men, are women expected to wax their assholes before you do this?

Man A: Nah. Never encountered a hair situation that's bothered me back there. If there was a lot it would be a turn-off and I'd probably just stick to the vag.

Man B: I don't think so? The girls I've done it to never had hair there and from what I remember, they didn't really have many pubic hairs around their vagina or whatever. I would prefer no hairs on the b-hole.

What's the hygenic preparation for rimming, as the receiver? Do you just go right into it or is there a whole cleaning ritual you do?

Man B: I just shaved the extraneous hairs that could get in the way and cleaned myself very well. I didn't really "get up in" my butt to clean it or whatever. That seemed to work OK.

Woman A: I have just let them go straight in, as it's usually not a planned thing.

Have you ever rimmed anyone who you discovered was "unclean" in the area?
Man A: Not to any level that's dissuaded me from continuing the mission. Some girls are more pink than others. I dated a girl once whose asshole was pinker than her vagina. It was amazing. She could also have very agreeable and orgasmic anal sex without lube. She was an anal unicorn. An analcorn.

Man B: No.

Do you use a dental dam or anything?
Man A: No. I've only ever seen one of those in health class. Come to think of it, I never saw one, just heard about it. Using a dental dam to go down on an ass is like bringing a helmet on a roller coaster.

Man B: No.

Women, would you prefer rimming to anal sex? Why?

Woman A: I love anal sex. I probably prefer anal sex, but only because I think it feels even better than rimming.

Women, do you feel self-conscious about getting a rim job?

Woman A: No.

Have you ever had an orgasm from being rimmed?

Man A: Nah.

Man B: Yeah. Orgasms/anything feels an incalculable amount better when you get rimmed. I'd experience a tingling sensation across my entire body that I have yet to experience any other way.

Woman A: No, it's always been combined with oral, so I wouldn't know if I could achieve that by the anal stimulation alone. I might be able to, but personally I love as much simultaneous stimulation as possible.

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