Is Your Sex Life Getting Stale?

One of the biggest and most common let-downs of long-term relationships is when it feels like the passion has gone out of your sex life.  This usually happens once you get set in a sexual routine.  The longer you know your partner, the more comfortable you’d think you’d be with him or her sexually, but oftentimes the opposite happens.  Once you get into a routine, you forget how to talk about sex, how to change up your routines, and how to explore your sexuality together.  If your sex life is getting stale, you might even find yourself experiencing problems like premature ejaculation or impotence.  You may feel less close to your partner and wonder if something is wrong.  In reality, you just need to put some work into making things better and acknowledge that this is a common problem which can be fun to solve.

Talk to Your Partner

You’re going to need to talk to your partner about your sex life, and do it in a constructive way.  Many people shy away from this because they worry their partner will take the news the wrong way or not want to make changes, but the thing to remember is that this is not a discussion that should be approached in a serious manner.  Yes, it’s important, but it’s not something you should be angsting over.  Sex is fun, so approach this as a chance for positive growth in your relationship.  Make the discussion fun.  Don’t make accusations.  It’s both your faults, otherwise it wouldn’t have gotten this far, after all.  These things can happen without our really noticing, but you should look at a problem and see an opportunity to make your relationship stronger and more exciting.

Let Go Of Assumptions

If you took an honest poll of most of the people you know, the vast majority would probably say that they were sexually unsatisfied on some level.  Our society certainly sends us the message that we should be having lots of sex all the time, but the message is also that the sex we have doesn’t need to be creative or individualized.  As such many people, both men and women, have trouble expressing their desires to their partners (and sometimes even themselves).If you’re tired of the same old routine, it’s time to be honest about what you want and encourage your partner to do the same.  If you feel like there is a lot of pressure, there are a couple of good ways to do this.  One way you can do it is to make or print out a checklist of different sexual activities, fetishes, and so forth.  Both of you should mark the items you’re interested in exploring further, as well as items you will not under any circumstances do, and then trade lists.  This is a low-pressure way you can learn a lot about each other.  You may even find out the things you’ve always been interested in doing are interesting to your partner too, or at least aren’t abhorrent.
Another thing you can do is change the way that you think.  Remember when you first got together and you had to learn about each other sexually?  Why not simply acknowledge that you’ve both changed and grown a lot as people and that your sexual desires may have changed too?  Approach your next sexual session like it’s the “beginning”—teach and learn about each others’ sexuality without any pressure.

Fun Ways to Break Routines

Hopefully the suggestions above are already helpful to you.  Some people know exactly what they want, though, and some people have no idea.  It might sound counterintuitive to think you might not know what you enjoy, but many people report that they don’t realize they like an activity until they’ve tried it.  If you and your partner have no idea where to start but you know you want to change things, here are some general ideas to get going:

• Try new sexual positions.  You’re still doing the same thing you’ve always done, basic sexual intercourse, but you’re trying it out in new ways, which can lead to new sensations and experiences.  It can break down boundaries and increase your spontaneity.

• Play a game.  There are a lot of commercial sex-related games you can buy and play.  This can add fun and help to remove pressure from sexual situations.

• Get your brain involved.  Sex is a cerebral experience as well as a physical one.  One reason that sexual fantasies often seem more satisfying than actual sex is that parts of our brain get involved during fantasizing that don’t get involved when we’re not daydreaming.  This is one reason that a lot of people enjoy roleplaying during sex, wearing costumes, using props, or going on sex dates to exciting locations.  It’s a way to get your brain engaged in your sexuality, which can increase the pleasure you get from your experiences and also help you to explore different dimensions of your personality and your partner’s.  Will it feel silly at first?  Probably, but there’s nothing wrong with that.  Sex is fun, so have fun.

Challenges Can Be Fun

One thing that intimidates many couples out of trying to break out of stale routines is the fact that it’s usually a challenge.  People are told that sex should always be spontaneous—certainly not awkward, confusing, and sometimes uncomfortable.  Overcoming obstacles in your sexuality and finding ways to break out of routines is going to likely be all three at first, but it can pay off big.  You’ll not only enjoy a more satisfying life sexually, but you’ll also learn a lot about your partner and yourself, and maybe reconnect emotionally through the experience.  Sex is one way that people get to know each other when they first meet, and odds are that despite your routines, you and your partner have changed a lot with time.  Why not get to know each other again and have fun at the same time?  It’s never too late or too soon to get started!