Not Just Good But Good For You

Okay, so maybe there’s some wishful thinking going on — the science isn’t exactly iron-clad — but evidence is accumulating that the more sex you have, the better off you are.

There is one caveat, though. “We do not have good data to show a direct connection [to all-around good health]," says Jennifer Bass, the head of information services at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction in Bloomington, Ind. "We know that healthier people have more sexual activity. But we do not know which comes first. Does the good health make you more willing to have sex, or does the sex have a positive impact?”

And you dirty girrrls and Don Juans should know that the assumed health benefits of sex are generally thought to accrue to people in loving, monogamous relationships or those flying solo. Risky sex with lots of partners will probably do more harm than good.

But while researchers try to nail down the impact on overall health, data is mounting when it comes to some specifics. Here are several potential benefits:

1. Easing depression and stress

Bass says this is pretty definite. “The release from orgasm does much to calm people. It helps with sleep, and that is whether we talk about solo sex or sex with a partner,” she says.

But wait, there’s more. A recent study of college students at the State University of New York in Albany suggests that semen acts as an antidepressant. Females in the study who were having sex without condoms (see safe sex caution, above) had fewer signs of depression than women who used condoms or abstained from sex.

“These data are consistent with the possibility that semen may antagonize depressive symptoms,” the authors wrote, “and evidence which shows that the vagina absorbs a number of components of semen that can be detected in the bloodstream within a few hours of administration.”

I kid you not, ladies. Semen is good stuff. It gives a shot of zinc, calcium, potassium, fructose, proteins -- a veritable cornucopia of vitality!

2. Relieving pain

Orgasm is a powerful pain-killer. Oxytocin, a natural chemical in the body that surges before and during climax, gets some of the credit, along with a couple of other compounds like endorphins.

According to a study by Beverly Whipple, professor emeritus at Rutgers University and a famed sexologist and author, when women masturbated to orgasm “the pain tolerance threshold and pain detection threshold increased significantly by 74.6 percent and 106.7 percent respectively.”

3. Boosting cardio health

I can’t resist another plug for semen. It’s possible that male goo can lower blood pressure. Another recent study found that women who gave their men oral sex, and swallowed, had a lower risk of preeclampsia, the dangerously high blood pressure that sometimes accompanies pregnancy.

No, I’m not making this up. “The present study shows that oral sex and swallowing sperm is correlated with a diminished occurrence of preeclampsia,” said the Dutch authors.

See? We told you it was good for you.

There have been other studies showing that sex lowers blood pressure, and might even protect against strokes because of its stress-relieving ability.

But when we think of sex and the cardio system, we tend to think of poor old Nelson Rockefeller having a heart attack in flagrante delicto. Well, not only does that hardly ever happen, but sex might actually protect the heart. A 2002 report from a large British population of men said “some protection from fatal coronary events may be an added bonus” of frequent sexual intercourse.

4. Countering prostate cancer

Over the past few years, several journals have published studies showing that the more ejaculations the better.

Now the Journal of the American Medical Association, no less, has reported that “high ejaculation frequency was related to decreased risk of total prostate cancer.” It doesn’t matter how a man climaxes -- intercourse or masturbation. So next time he says, “Really, honey, it’s therapy,” he could be telling the truth.

5. Healing wounds

Some evidence suggests sex can be rejuvenating to the point of helping wounds to heal faster. Several experiments have shown that oxytocin can help even stubborn sores, like those suffered by diabetics, to heal by regenerating certain cells.

6. Fighting aging

Maybe it’s the rejuvenation, maybe the happiness, maybe all of the above. One thing’s for sure: “Use it or lose it” is literally true. For example, postmenopausal women often suffer from “vaginal atrophy,” which is what it sounds like and can lead to all sorts of complications like urinary tract infections. What’s one way to prevent it? More intercourse.

Sex is a form of exercise, after all, and like all exercise, it burns calories and can help battle the onslaught of the years. In fact, nursing home experts say they wish oldsters would have more sex.

Can sex really make you live longer? Maybe. In the same population of British men I cited earlier, researchers found a 50 percent reduction in overall mortality in the group of men who said they had the most orgasms. There was a dose response: the more orgasms, the better.

Of course, as Kinsey’s Bass reminds us, it could be that these blokes were just healthier and felt like having sex more often. But since there’s no evidence that lots of sex is bad for you, what have you got to lose?

How to Kiss a Girl

If you’ve just looked up how to kiss a girl, you’re here for one of two reasons.  Either you’ve never kissed a girl before (or you have and it didn’t go well), and you’re not sure how to initiate a kiss, or you’ve got that part down and just want to do a better job at it.  Kissing is a pretty basic human gesture, but that doesn’t mean it’s the easiest one to get right.  Nor is there one right way to do it.  This is yet another area of human attraction where everybody’s different.  Kissing is among the most personal gestures you can make, and for some partners, kissing is as intimate, if not more intimate, than sex.  You can read a lot about a person and his or her emotions from a kiss.  And the fact is that no matter how many kissing techniques you learn, nothing can substitute for genuine feeling—and women will see right through you if you aren’t really interested.

Initiating a Kiss

Let’s say it’s your first kiss—maybe not in your whole life, but with someone you’re into.  There are a lot of ways you can blow the initiation of a kiss.  If you do that part wrong, it won’t even matter if you’re good at kissing, because you’ll already have put off the lady you’re interested in (and by the way, if you’re a woman reading this, a lot of this advice applies to you as well).  One of the worst things you can do is jump on someone when she’s not expecting it or looking for it.  If you’re interested in kissing someone else, try to give her the chance to initiate the kiss.  You can do this by leaning in closely, maybe saying something about how great she looks or what a wonderful time you’ve had on your date, or so on.  While surprise kisses work in movies, in real life they usually don’t.  You need to communicate with body language what you’re interested in, and look for cues in your companion.  If you overstep your bounds, she’ll think you don’t respect her boundaries.

The other mistake you can make is to be too timid.  Once the kissing ensues, you don’t necessarily need or want to dive in with all you’ve got (since you’re still probing the waters, so to speak), but you should show some passion and make it obvious you’re interested.  Don’t make her feel like she’s kissing a fish, or you’ll communicate disinterest.  Even a kiss which shows restraint can still show passion—so look for this balance.  Some people suggest always starting with a closed mouth.  This may be safer, but it may also again communicate disinterest or seem dispassionate—there’s a difference between starting tentatively and keeping everything behind a bolted door even after it’s obvious the lady you’re kissing is interested.  Use your intuition, consider the mood, the situation, and what brought you together.

Hygiene

Regardless of whether you’ve kissed someone a thousand times or you’ve never kissed her in your life, you should consider hygiene before you go in for your next snog.  Is your mouth clean?  Does your breath smell bad?  When’s the last time you brushed your teeth?  If you just had a plate of alfredo at your date at an Italian restaurant, you might want to pop out to the restroom for a minute to freshen up before you kiss your partner.  How is your facial hair?  Do you have stubble which is at just such a length as to be abrasive and annoying?

Technique

Kissing is an activity that communicates your desire for your partner and vice versa.  Indeed, one of the reasons that so many people not only enjoy kissing but use it to measure up potential partners is because it’s difficult to hide inside a kiss.  So while there are different techniques for kissing, the most important thing to keep in mind is that you can’t plan everything; if you do, your partner will know, and will probably be deterred by this.  When you kiss someone, you need to be able to read your partner’s body language and respond to it.  In fact, if you can’t connect to your partner while kissing, it doesn’t even mean you’re doing something wrong—it may just mean that your energies aren’t compatible or something else is interfering with intimacy.  So when you connect with someone and it does work, that’s a pretty good indication that there’s some real chemistry at work.

Our mouths are very versatile and flexible and there’s a lot we can do with them.  So kissing can involve all kinds of variations, which is one of the reasons that kissing is often referred to as a kind of dance between lips, tongues, even teeth.  It’s a great way to explore your partner’s body and psyche and to get to know what she enjoys.  If two people are really into each other, this usually comes pretty naturally.  If you’re having to struggle to figure out what to do next, it’s possible there isn’t a lot of chemistry present.  In many ways, good kissing is as simple as being enthusiastic, receptive, and involved.

On that note, using kissing as a prelude to sex and not an activity in its own right to be enjoyed is a sure way to drive away a partner, who will quickly figure out you’re not really into the kissing.  Which isn’t to say kissing can’t lead to great sex—really great kissing often involves your whole body and mind and not just your mouth.  Sometimes kissing can be every bit as pleasurable as sexual intercourse (plenty of people can get orgasms just from passionate, intense kissing and bodily contact).  It’s also great for foreplay if you have timing issues, but again, shouldn’t be seen as a means to an end.  Great kissing happens when both partners are really into and enjoy the act of kissing for its own sake.

Anal Rimming

Anal rimming, also called anilingus (sometimes spelled “analingus”) is an idea which can draw up a wide range of emotions and reactions.  For some, the idea is titillating, while for others, it may be off-putting.  If you’re interested in rimming, it’s important to learn a few things about safety and cleanliness before you get started.  You also may want some tips on how to bring anal rimming up with your partner if you’ve never talked about it before.  It can be difficult enough asking a partner to try anything new during sex, much less something which has a bit of a taboo surrounding it, as anal rimming does.

Staying Safe While Rimming

One of the reasons there’s a taboo around anal rimming is that many people worry that it’s inherently unclean or unsafe.  If you were to start rimming a partner without that partner washing up first, it would indeed be unsafe.  And as with any sexual practice, the risks are higher if you don’t know your partner well or practice fidelity.  During unprotected rimming, a partner can pass on an STD or a digestive ailment.  If you know your partner has an STD, you should abstain from any unprotected sex, including rimming.  If your partner has any active digestive infection, you should hold off until the infection is dead.

How do you get ready for rimming?  The receiving partner should thoroughly wash the anal region using antibacterial soap and water to kill any germs which may be lurking there.  If there is going to be penetrating, or if you just want to be extra careful, an enema is another good step to take.  Before you decide to use an enema, do read up on enema safety tips if you’ve never used one before, since doing an enema incorrectly can lead to serious problems.  Used correctly, it will help to clean out and disinfect the colon.
Taking these steps to properly clean the area should greatly reduce (not completely eliminate the chances of infection).  If the anus is clean, licking the anus isn’t any more dangerous than licking any other clean body part.  Even so, after rimming, the performing partner should take the added step of rinsing with mouthwash afterward, especially if additional sex acts are going to be performed (that way you don’t transfer any bacteria to other parts of the body like the urethra).  In general, the chances of infection are estimated to be quite low between partners who practice fidelity and observe all the safety precautions.

Social and Personal Taboos Surrounding Rimming

Until fairly recently in history, oral sex was considered to be taboo altogether; it was even illegal in some states.  There are still many people who are uncomfortable with the idea of oral sex because they consider it to be unclean or degrading.  This same attitude, while less common now about cunnilingus or fellatio, extends to anilingus, but it’s even more common since the anus is the body part we use to defecate.  Some people are bothered by the idea of anilingus because of safety concerns, but others are bothered by it simply because to them, the anus is a body part they consider dirty and shameful.

There are a couple of other common reasons that some people draw a line when it comes to rimming.  One reason is the socially constructed misunderstanding that rimming is a homosexual activity.  While plenty of homosexual people engage in rimming, plenty of heterosexual people do as well, and there is nothing about rimming which in any way points toward a person’s sexual orientation.  If you’re a heterosexual person, you shouldn’t feel insecure about your sexual orientation because you’re interested in rimming.  Likewise, your partner may associate rimming with homosexuality and feel uncomfortable about it for this reason, but this points toward a lack of knowledge and nothing more, something which can be remedied by sharing articles like these.

There are a couple of other possible reasons that your partner might not be thrilled about rimming, and these are more personal reasons and not associated with social expectations.  Your partner may have had bad experiences in the past involving anal sex or anal play.  The anus is a sensitive region, and while this means that stimulating the anus can be very erotic, rough play can cause pain or injury.  If you or your partner have had negative experiences in the past with other partners, take it slow—and acknowledge that this may be a hard limit with your partner, in which case pressing the matter will only cause problems.  The other reason your partner may not want to engage in anal play is that there may be physiological reasons; if for example your partner suffers from IBS or some other colon ailment, he or she may not really find the idea of any contact down there exciting.
Rimming Techniques

When rimming, you can lick the perimeter of the anus, penetrate the anus with your tongue, and also lick and explore the inner thighs and buttocks with your mouth.  You can keep your hands involved too, whether by using your fingers to penetrate the anus, or by stimulating other parts of your partner’s body.  You may even combine rimming with cunnilingus or fellatio, or try fingering your partner while you’re performing anilingus.  There’s no one “right” or “best” way to do rimming, just like there’s no single best technique for any other type of oral sex.  It’s a matter of discovering your partner’s preferences and learning about your partner’s body.  Asking for suggestions is a great way to get your partner to share with you for a more pleasurable experience.

When you bring up rimming to your partner for the first time, be ready to explain why you want to try it.  Much of the value of sex stems from acceptance and intimacy, not just physical sensation.  Explain to your partner how rimming will bring intimacy into your relationship, and you’ll have an easier time getting her to go for it.

How To Arouse A Woman

How to arouse a woman is a pretty general question—you didn’t really think there was a secret method or ingredient, did you?  Every woman in the world is a unique individual, and individuality is expressed through sexuality, like it is through every other aspect of personality.  So there is no one perfect technique or secret trick to turn on any woman in the universe—except perhaps the simplest thing:  Get to know your partner.

The last thing that’s going to turn any woman on is being treated like she’s any woman.  Your partner has distinctive sexual preferences and a body which is as unique as her mind.  Something which turns on one woman may send another running for the hills and vice versa.  Even if you’ve had great sex with dozens of women, meeting a new partner can pose entirely new sets of challenges.  But that’s part of the fun and joy of having relationships.  Really great sex is all about building intimacy and finding ways to connect physically and emotionally with your partner.  It’s about trust and acceptance as well as physical pleasure.

Arousal happens in the mind as well as in the body.  One of the best things you can do with any partner is show an interest and have an open mind.  Maybe your partner is a woman who is turned on by the simplest, most straightforward things—kissing, embracing, caressing, some dirty talk or a romantic dinner.  Or maybe she’s a kinky woman who would love to play a game of dress up or roleplay with you.  Maybe she’d be turned on by watching an erotic film with you.  Perhaps she’d be turned on if you engaged in foot play, gave her a massage, or took a bath with you.  Maybe she’d like it if you tied her up, or let her give you a spanking.

Communication is Key

Some women are very forthcoming about their sexual preferences and desires.  If your partner has already made it obvious what she likes, this should eliminate a lot of guesswork and make things easy for you.  If you don’t know and she’s a shy woman, you have a few options.  One is that you can just start experimenting and pay attention to her physical cues (and verbal cues when she gives them).  Another is you can try to actually bring up the topic in conversation.  There are a lot of social barriers surrounding sex, which can cause some people to feel self-conscious and ashamed when talking about it.  Shame isn’t a healthy attitude toward sex, though, and overcoming that shame can be a step toward liberation and a more enjoyable sex life.  Ironically, due in part to all the barriers surrounding sex, working through them with your partner can be a way to build intimacy and get to know each other better and establish greater trust.  This is part of what makes sex rewarding, so try starting a conversation.

How do you talk about sex and what turns your partner on if she’s shy and doesn’t feel comfortable talking aloud about it?  One very common tactic is simply to print out a list of sexual activities and assorted fetishes.  Print out two copies.  You can find these lists online; some of them are very broad (good starting point), while others are specific to certain paraphilias (i.e. if you discover your partner is into feet, you can print out a list pertaining specifically to foot play to discover what your partner is interested in doing).  The lists have checkboxes.  The idea is that both of you put checks next time items which turn you on or which you’d like to try, and x’s next to any items which represent hard limits to you (lines you absolutely will never cross).

Despite being a relatively simple and common method of exploring sexuality,  lots of magazine articles urge guesswork instead of something like this.  Guesswork more often leads to misunderstandings, feelings of sexual incompetence, and other problems.  The great thing about the list is that it doesn’t require conversation, but it can initiate it.  Maybe you’ll discover some of the activities which turn you on also turn on your partner—or that she’s not adverse to trying something you always wanted to do or vice versa.  And since you’ll both know each others’ hard limits, conversations about sex will be a lot easier since you won’t be so worried about offending one another’s sensibilities.

Talking about sex with your partner does require a certain degree of emotional maturity, but this is something which is well worth the effort to develop.  You may think at first that discussing sex openly is awkward, but it’s not like it’s any secret that you’re having it.  Once you get over that grade school mentality which society ingrains, you can enjoy a more fulfilling sex life.

The Most General Things Make All The Difference

Almost regardless of who your partner is, there are a few things which almost always make all the difference in the world.  The vast majority of people are attracted to certain qualities in others like confidence, hygiene and good grooming, and mutual interest.  Show an interest in your partner’s sexuality and this in itself will probably arouse her.  Be clean and presentable; this is a way of honoring yourself and her, which again shows your respect for her.  Plus, the most sexually apt guy in the world will turn women away in droves if he can’t be clean and put at least the minimum work into his appearance.

Confidence will almost always score you points on attraction, and that holds true during foreplay and other sexual activities, too.  This shouldn’t be confused with being pushy.  One of the biggest mistakes people make when they look for tips for arousing women is thinking that women are going to be interested in men who can’t be themselves (this goes for you ladies as well).  There’s nothing wrong with looking for ideas, but being confident about using your own is even better.  The lady you hooked up with wants to be with you, after all.  So be yourself; you’ll be surprised what a difference this can make.

What’s the Appeal of Rimming

Maybe you’ve looked up this question because your partner has asked you about rimming and you’re not sure why you’d want to do that—or maybe you’re the one who wants to try it out, but you’re having difficulty figuring out how to explain it to your partner.  In some ways it’s sad that feel like we have to “explain” any of our sexual desires—as though they’re something we should feel ashamed of.  There has been a long-standing taboo surrounding rimming which is just now beginning to fall away.  One of the first things you can mention if you’re explaining the idea to your partner is just how many really widespread, straightforward sex acts were completely taboo until relatively recently in history.  Standard oral sex was actually illegal in several states until not that long ago!  Just as that’s become much more acceptable, rimming probably will become very mainstream before long.  It’s definitely enjoying a strong trend right now.

Why the Taboo?

There are a couple of reasons that rimming isn’t really that huge in the mainstream yet, and why a lot of people feel confused or ashamed about having an interest in it.  One reason is the obvious biological one.  Rimming means licking your partner’s anus, or having her lick yours.  The anus is the part of our body we use when we need to get rid of waste, so naturally most of us have pretty unclean connotations with the anus.  That doesn’t make the anus “unclean” either in a literal or figurative sense, though.  Sure, it’s unclean if you don’t wash it, but if you do, it’s just another body part.
As to the figurative concept of the anus as “unclean,” that’s really a pretty unhealthy attitude about an important part of your body, isn’t it?  You can’t survive without it after all.  Human beings all need to eat, and we also all need to take a dump after we do.  It’s part of our basic daily cycle.  And at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you are—that’s one thing we all have in common.  And yet we’re taught to be ashamed or embarrassed about it.  How strange is that?

Another part of the taboo surrounding rimming has to do with homophobia.  Rimming is practiced by straight and gay people alike; but because so many people associate anal sex with homosexuality, there is a tendency for homophobic heterosexual people to sometimes associate rimming with homosexuality and believe that rimming is not a proper “heterosexual” behavior.  In reality, gay and straight people both practical anal sex, including intercourse and rimming.  There is nothing “straight” or “gay” about any type of anal sex.  It’s just another way to have sex with someone.  So a desire to try rimming shouldn’t cause you to question your sexual orientation.  It’s just another way to experience being with your partner—whether that partner is the same sex as you or not.

So Why the Appeal?

So why is rimming appealing to so many people?  For some people, it’s mere curiosity.  Anytime a sex act becomes some kind of cultural trend (as rimming is currently), a lot of people who have never done it or thought about it suddenly wonder what the appeal is, and try it just for the sake of trying it.  Most of these people will probably try it once and then move on.  Others however will genuinely enjoy it.  Here are a couple of reasons why some people love to give and receive rim jobs.
The first reason is physical.  There are a lot of nerve endings in the anus.  The vast majority of us aren’t sexually aroused while we’re taking a dump, but the same nerves, when interacted with differently, can cause pleasurable erotic sensations for some people, especially when already in a state of arousal.  These sensations can enhance other sex acts or stand alone as an enjoyable experience.  This is one of the reasons that anal sex is popular, and it’s the same reason that rimming is enjoyed.

The other reason is psychological.  When you talk to people about rimming, there is almost ways going to be someone who says, “That’s disgusting and humiliating.”  This is part of that whole taboo surrounding the anus as an “unclean” part of the body—and we’re talking about the psychological connotation here.  Again, washed and disinfected with soap and water (you can use an enema to clean out the anal canal), this part of the body is usually no more dirty in a literal sense than any other.

Taboos can work both ways though.  Because we’ve been taught to perceive of this area as unclean and its function as something to be ashamed of, rimming your partner can be your way of saying to your partner, “I love and accept all of you, just the way you are.”  And when your partner performs anilingus on you, you can feel equally loved and accepted as a whole human being.  At the end of the day, we’re not really the perfect people we pretend to be in public, are we?  No, we’re the human beings who need to eat and shit.  Embracing that fact can make us more whole, and embracing the whole of each other can lead to healthier, more satisfying and more intimate sex with your partner.

So if your partner has been asking you to consider rimming and you’ve been unsure why this could possibly be appealing, hopefully now at the very least you have a better understanding of why she wants to try it.  And if you’re the one who has been trying to figure out how to bring the topic up, maybe now you have a better idea how to explain the appeal to your partner and alleviate any concerns.  Be sure to observe all safety precautions and make sure that everything is clean before you try rimming, and have fun exploring your sexuality with your partner.

Sex cream

Xantrin -

If you prefer to use a cream or gel to help you last longer, then Xantrin is our selection as the top cream on the market.  Keep in mind we still believe the strongest science and the best results in the long run are achieved with pills that affect the serotonin levels in your body, but some creams and gels can make you last longer and can make sex better – no question.  And as mention at the top of the charts for making you last longer is Xantrin. It is an odorless cream that does a perfect job of slightly desensitizing the extremely sensitive areas of your penis, while not making you numb.  That is the trick scientists and product developers must content with – how to not make your penis too numb. Xantrin seems to have found the answer with a process they call “Neurotransmitter Signaling Delivery System.” NSDS is some fancy scientific mumbo-jumbo that basically means the cream goes to the areas that are the most sensitive in different amounts than it does to areas of the penis that are less sensitive. How exactly it works isn’t really that important – the key thing is that it actually works!  Out of the 40 or so creams that we have tested only a handful actually provide any benefit; Xantrin does more, much more.

Now that Dapoxetine, the premature ejaculation pill from Johnson & Johnson has been approved for sale in many European countries, the science that leads to its success has been published.  As a result of the previously secret scientific research now being made public as the drug is approved for sale, scientists not involved in its development now can see the research.  These competing scientists and competing companies are able to copy much of the research and use it to tweak product they had been developing, or to create entirely new products that can also provide the same benefit.  In the area of creams the most studied cream is one out of Asia called SS Cream.  While some of the research has been leaked, the cream is not yet available.  Industry insiders are telling us that the makers of Xantrin, may have copied the SS Cream formula and have actually brought it to market quicker than SS Cream, which is supposed to be a blockbuster.  However they developed the product, and where they started their research (much scientific research is referenced on their website) is really not that important.  All that matters from our standpoint is that it is safe and works great.

Many men have reported lasting 5 to 7 times longer on their very first use of Xantrin.  It’s actually extremely exciting if you are used to last under a minute to suddenly be banging your partner for over 7 minutes!  It can make all the difference in the world.  Manufactured by Dartford Kent Labs, this product is sold over the Internet and in Adult bookstores across the country. Normally a 4-ounce bottle goes for around $39 to $49 depending on where you get it.  At the end of the day if you want the immediate result that only a topical solution can provide, Xantrin is the most outstanding product on the market. 

Vivaxa -

Vivaxa works by helping to soothe the hypersensitive skin of your penis without completely numbing it, so you can last longer. Also it does a nice job of not numbing her like some of the desensitizing lubricants on the market.  One of the big problems with the products like Man Delay and many of the “stay hard” creams is that they are basically pure benzocaine which practically puts your penis to sleep it can be so strong. Here, Vivaxa does a great job of desensitizing your penis just enough so that you can last longer, while not making you or your companion too numb.  The product has a nice pleasant smell as well which is a plus. It doesn’t smell like you are wiping medicine onto your penis!

It is definitely one of the top 5 orgasm control gels on the market.  It is made by Barmensen Labs, the same company that makes Maxoderm and Vazomyne.  As you know we are not impressed with Maxoderm at all, and Vazomyne is a good solid product, but Vivaxa is clearly their best product.  It is extremely difficult to create a cream or gel that walks that fine between making you too numb so that is wrecks sex, and giving you the right amount that makes you a little desensitized so that you can last longer and still enjoy sex, while also not alerting your lover that you have a bunch of medicine goop on your penis.  Joins Xantrin, Hightenz, and Zyrexin cream as the only lotions that actually work. 

The ingredients  of Vivaxa are: Propylene Glycol, Di-PPG-2 Myreth-10 Adipate, Isopropyl Myristate, Butylene Glycol, Glycerin, Glyceryl Stearate, PEG-100 Stearate, Glycine Soja (Soybean) Oil, Stearyl Alcohol, Dimethicone, Hydrogenated Lecithin, Menthol, Xanthan Gum, Arginine, Lactic Acid, Niacin, Tocopheryl Acetate, Laureth-3, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Acetyl Dipeptide-1 Cetyl Ester, Hexapeptide-17, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Diazolidinyl Urea.

 Many men have reported delaying their premature ejaculation by minutes with Vivaxa. Their website might be filled with a bunch of hype, but the product is good and the hype is not that far off. You can expect a little puffery and exaggeration from most marketers, but Vivaxa is a product that works. Sold in many retailer drug stores and Target stores nationwide for about $25 for 2 ounces.  Good Product that can help you last a little longer.

Sex Pill

Dapovar -

This brilliantly designed product stands alone at the top of the heap of the products designed to delay your orgasm.  It represents a quantum leap in science as it is the first over-the-counter pill that actually works.  You don’t have to slap on some cream or gel, and hope your partner doesn’t notice.  Dapovar are simple capsules filled with Selective Serotonin Reuptake (SSRI) that you take to modulate the serotonin level in your body. After about a month or so you will notice that you last longer.  The increase in performance time is sensational. 

The science is obviously taken directly from the pharmaceutical drug Dapoxetine, which is a premature ejaculation drug that was recently approved for sale in several European countries, including Finland, Sweden, Portugal, Austria and Germany. Dapoxetine is also being considered for approval in other European countries and in the United States, where it is currently in phase III of the approval process with the FDA.  The statistics on men who ejaculate too quickly is staggering.  Over 30 million men in America suffer from some sort of Erectile Dysfunction (E.D.), but over 60 million men suffer from Premature Ejaculation (P.E.).

When Dapoxetine, which is sold under the trade name Priligy is approved for sale in America it is going to be a bigger revolution than Viagra.  But right now, Dapovar is cleaning up the market as their natural product seems to mimic Dapoxetine flawlessly. This is undoubtedly because of the formula. The key to the drug Dapoxetine is that it is a SSRI, which is the key to preventing P.E. Check out the lab tests and see how the 5-HTP levels in Dapovar are significantly higher than those of the other natural P.E. pills

The product is manufactured by a company based in Amsterdam and sold through distributors in the United Stated and Canada.  Some men report lasting longer after taking the pills after just 10 days, but we have found real results start after about 3 to 4 weeks.  The only negative that we can find with Dapovar is the time.  It’s not like a top cream that you can use the very same day, Dapovar does require you to take the pills every day for about a month until you start lasting longer.   But it’s well worth the wait. The results are nothing short of amazing. Men who never last more than 60 seconds are suddenly finding they are lasting over 7 minutes. On average!  The impact on their confidence might be the biggest impact, that being entering a bedroom knowing that you won’t be embarrassed with a “minute man” performance and that you’ll be able to control yourself.  Out of all the products we have evaluated, in all categories, this product is clearly the one that represents the most revolutionary change. We are happy to report the days of not having a way to overcome premature ejaculation have come to end! A product ahead of its time. Sensational. 

How Oral Sex Can Boost Your Sex Life

For a lot of guys, oral sex isn’t the most intuitive approach to sex.  Why?  Probably because no one ever taught us how to do it.  And since men and women obviously have different parts down there, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to know what to do when you’re going down on a woman.  And as you may have already found out firsthand, a lot of women aren’t entirely sure what they should be doing when they give a man a blow job either.  The discomfort of trying to figure out how to deliver mind-blowing oral sex when you aren’t even sure where to begin can make it difficult to get started.  For this reason, some men avoid oral sex altogether.
There’s no shame in not knowing what you’re doing, however; it’s completely normal.  After all, how can you be expected to know what feels good to a woman?  You don’t have the same sex organs.  And if you’re with a partner who gets impatient and thinks you should automatically know how to give great cunnilingus, then you probably aren’t with the right person.  Odds are though, if you’re with a great woman and she enjoys oral sex, she will be plenty patient with you and appreciate it if you take the time to learn how to give great oral.  What’s the incentive though?  Here are some ways that oral sex can boost your sex life!

1.  You get what you give.

If you’re willing to go down on your partner, there is a good chance she’ll be more interested in repaying the favor!  If you wish you were getting more blow jobs, then taking the initiative and going down on your partner may result in her wanting to be just as generous with you.  A lot of guys complain they don’t get as much oral sex as they want in their lives.  The more you give, the more you receive!

2.  Fix timing issues and avoid premature ejaculation.

A lot of guys have problems with premature ejaculation.  If you are used to reaching your climax much faster than your partner, and if it is ruining your experience of sex, then there are a lot of different things you can try to get around the problem.  But did you know oral sex is one of those things?  There are two ways that oral sex can help you last longer.
Firstly, you can go down on your partner.  Woman on average take substantially longer then men to reach the level of arousal where they are able to have an orgasm—and most women can’t have “vaginal orgasms” to begin with.  So by going down on your partner, you accomplish two things.  Firstly, you are able to stimulate her without over stimulating yourself, which makes it more likely you can reach your climax together.  Secondly, you can stimulate her clitoris, which is more likely to lead to an orgasm in the majority of women.
The second way oral sex can help you last longer involves you getting a blow job.  A lot of guys last longer on the second round of sex, so you might try having your partner give you a blow job before you have intercourse.  Take a break in between, and you may well find that you can last longer when you get back to business.

3.  Explore new sensations and have new experiences.

A common complaint among couples is that sex gets staid and tedious after enough time goes by.  There is a tendency to attribute this to knowing your partner too well or having just done it so many times that you know everything that’s going to happen.  But more often, it’s the result of having given up on looking for novelty and exploring your sexuality together as an ongoing journey.  You are in control of your lives together, and there’s nothing standing in your way but yourselves.
Despite the fact that we’re all human, and in many ways sexuality is fairly simplistic, there are endless nuances of desire and sensation between different men and women.  Sexuality can be highly individualized.  Exploring your sexuality with your partner can be exciting for the rest of your lives if you keep things fresh by trying new things and not getting into a routine.  There’s nothing wrong with repetition—as long as it doesn’t become something you do by rote instead of because you enjoy it.
If oral sex isn’t currently a part of your sex life and your sex is becoming a bit stale, why not change things up a bit and try something you haven’t before?  It’s a big menu, and ordering the same thing over and over again isn’t necessary when there’s so much to try.  Try eating out this time and you may enjoy yourself more than you have in years.

How to Give Great Oral Sex

Starting to feel more interested in oral sex, but still not sure how to proceed?  There really are no tried and true secrets to giving great oral sex since no two men or women are the same.  In fact, you could be great at giving oral to one woman and not be too sure what to do when you go down on the next.  That’s why it’s a great idea to get used to talking openly about sex with your partner.  It might seem awkward at first, but you will get used to it, and no one is better qualified to teach you to give great oral sex than your partner

Oral sex is a bit of an “acquired taste” for many couples, and this is due to the fact that it usually takes some practice to get it down.  But it can be well worth taking the effort and time to do so.  So if it isn’t that amazing the first time, don’t get discouraged.  It’s pretty common to take a few tries before oral sex becomes really enjoyable.  Have fun and try not to get too anxious about your performance, and enjoy spicing up your sex life!

If you're serious about being able to give your girl the type of FULL-BODY, screaming-at-the-top-of-her-lungs orgasm that no guy has EVER given her before... whether it's your first night together or you've been dating for years... You should check out Squirting Orgasm Mastery. The guy behind it made over 300 women squirt so obviously can share his tricks :). Read Randy's review of Squirting Orgasm Master here.

5 Tips Last Longer In Bed

If you’re looking for better ways to have sex, then the sex you’re having is probably pretty unsatisfying.  In this article we’ll share some tips with you for having better sex. But first, let’s look for a moment at the idea of ‘better’ when it comes to sex.  We’re trained by our culture to believe that there is always a “better” way to do something—and maybe even a best way.
Every day we walk by magazines that offer up new sex moves for the bets sex of our lives; but in reality, there’s no one hot move that’s going to revolutionize your sex life and keep it fresh forever.  What can revolutionize your sex life forever is your attitude and your approach to sex.  So with that said, here are 5 better ways to have sex—not just specific sex moves, but suggestions for really changing your sex life for the better

1.  Be open with yourself.

The first step to having better sex is to know what you want—or at least get committed to figuring it out.  Some people have a very strong understanding of their own sexual desires, even before they spend a lot of time actually doing sexual activities.  Other people can feel lost for years trying to discover their sexual identities.  That shouldn’t be surprising when you think about how many expectations are placed on us by our cultures, our friends, our families, and our partners.  But if you aren’t able to figure out what you want or what you want to try, then you’re going to have a hard time having amazing, mindblowing sex.  Having great sex starts with being honest with yourself.

2.  Be open with your partner.

The next step is to learn how to be honest with your partner.  There are lots of reasons we get into relationships.  While sex and physical attraction tend to be high on the list, when we’re in long term committed relationships (or pursuing one), there tend to be a lot of other priorities.  We look for someone who can see eye to eye with us on different things and who can share responsibilities.  But that means you may have been tempted to put your sexual wants and needs on the backburner.  You may have just gone along with what you thought your partner expected from you as far as sex was concerned until this point.  But how can you have really amazing sex if you’ve just been going through the motions?

Talking about sex is an uncomfortable idea for a lot of people, but it can make a huge difference in the sex you’re having.  If you don’t regularly talk to your partner about sexuality, then it’s time to start sharing your desires with your partner.  She can’t satisfy you if she doesn’t know what you want, and you can’t satisfy her if you don’t know what she wants either.  Once you start opening up about what you want, she will probably do the same.

3.  Keep trying new things.

Once you start to figure out what you both want from your sex life, and learn how to talk about it, you’ll probably have an easier time figuring out new things to try to spice up the sex you’re having.  But there is no reason to ever stop trying new things.  When we first meet our partners, sex is often more exciting than it is later.  Conventional wisdom seems to hold that this is the result of knowing your partner too well, too long over time.  Novelty creates excitement.
In reality, though, it may not be the novelty that is so exciting, but the desire to learn about each other and explore your sexuality together which is strong in the beginning of a relationship.  Over time you might assume you know all there is to know and you’ve done all there is to do, but this is never really the case.  Once you realize that, you realize that there is no reason for sex to get boring.  Even something as simple as kissing or touching your partner a different way can make sex more exciting for both of you.

4.  Get your brain involved with sex.

This is an area where men seem to struggle more than women on average, and once again, conventional wisdom doesn’t really seem to stack up against research, articles, and statistics.  Many people joke that men are always thinking about sex, but surveys and research on sex suggests that it’s actually women who think about sex more than men, especially while they’re actually having it.
Thinking about having an orgasm isn’t the same thing as thinking about sex.  When you’re having sex, how much attention do you pay to what’s actually going on?  Or are you already thinking about the finish line?  You may be trying to get to an orgasm as fast as possible, but your partner probably is just enjoying the moment.  Learning how to enjoy the moment can make sex more fun and can also help you avoid premature ejaculation.

5.  Keep your relationship intimate.

You may not think that this would be a big deal when it comes to having better sex, but the level of emotional connection you have with your partner can play a big role in your sex life.  Obviously this isn’t the case if you’re enjoying casual sex with a partner, but in a committed relationship, especially over the long term, it is a big deal.  If the intimacy starts to suffer, it can be difficult to connect with your partner while you’re having sex.  And if that happens, no number of amazing sex moves and positions are going to make sex any better.  If you’re experiencing relationship problems, whether or not they directly involve sex, check out this article for advice on how to tackle of those problems and get back to having awesome sex.  Once your emotional connection is re-established, you’ll have an easier time getting aroused and having explosive orgasm with your partner.

Last Longer In Bed Pills

If you have premature ejaculation and start researching your situation on the internet, you probably aren’t going to get the clearest perspective or the best suggestions.  Unfortunately the internet is full of exaggeration regarding health issues, and there are a lot of people out there who want to sell you premature ejaculation pills, or “last longer in bed” pills.  Do these pills work?  It depends on what you buy and on you as a person; there are a few with relatively high success rates.  The fact is however that “last longer in bed” pills come with a number of drawbacks, and odds are you also don’t realize that your condition isn’t necessarily a severe one—it’s something you can probably fix permanently on your own without pills.

Let’s look for a moment at the definition of premature ejaculation.  There really is no clear scientific definition for premature ejaculation, because it’s a highly subjective thing.  Sometimes it’s defined as ejaculating early in more than 50 percent of your sexual encounters (within two minutes of penetration); then again this describes most men.  Since that’s the case, it’s hard to consider what’s normal to be objectively “premature.”  From a subjective point of view, you can define premature ejaculation as ejaculating sooner than you or your partner would like you to.

This is a more sensible definition, but as you can see, it describes a dissonance between what you have and what you want as opposed to an actual condition.  Indeed, for most men with premature ejaculation, there is no physiological abnormality causing early ejaculation at all.  While there is a genetic basis, it’s not something that is part of your permanent makeup.  In other words, you can change it.  And what you’ve hopefully gleaned from this discussion is that you probably do not have a medical condition.  While there is sometimes a medical basis for premature ejaculation, that is relatively rare.  In all likelihood, there is nothing physically wrong with you, which means you don’t need a medication to treat it.

What medications are used to treat premature ejaculation?  Several medications have been approved in various countries including Dapoxetine (Priligy), Tramadol (Ultram or Tramal), and Clomipramine (Anafranil).  These drugs can all be used to increase the time it takes for you to ejaculate during sex.  Of all of them, Tramadol seems like it has the fewest side effects and some of the best results.  Sometimes you may also find herbal pills for lasting longer in bed.  While herbal medications are less likely to have side effects, you should be careful when taking them if you are using medications since they may interact.  There are also many companies which sell “last longer in bed” pills that may or may not actually even be legitimate legal substances at all, so watch out for unscrupulous vendors.

While these medications may help you last longer in bed, we don’t recommend them as your first course of action.  Why not?  There are a number of reasons that we think that you should try natural methods first.  The most obvious is perhaps that we don’t think you should rush to get out your credit card and start buying pills.  Pills are expensive, and if you don’t treat your premature ejaculation through other means that offer long-term results, you will be relying on the PE pills to help you last longer in bed, which means you’ll pay for them on a recurring basis.  That adds up to a lot of money.

Another reason not to rush out and get pills is that you don’t really need them, in all likelihood.  Why buy something you don’t need, and why take a drug you don’t need?  Drugs can have side effects.  Some of them delay ejaculatory response (more than you want), cause mood swings, and have other unpleasant side effects.  They also don’t pose a long-term solution to your problem.  They don’t fix anything; all they do is treat the symptoms and not the cause.


If the causes of premature ejaculation are rarely physical, what are they?  For many men they are psychological.  There are numerous psychological reasons you might ejaculate sooner than you want.  One could be that you have been conditioned to do it because earlier in life you had hurried and furtive sexual encounters.  Another could be that you look at sex as a perfunctory activity which is a means to an end (an orgasm), so your body skips to the end.  Yet another possibility is that you are struggling with other problems in your relationship which are in turn affecting your sex life.  Or maybe you’ve built up so much performance anxiety around sex that you go into your sexual encounters expecting failure.  As a result, your body listens to your mind and what happens is cyclical.

There also may be no root cause beyond simple genetics.  Men are hardwired to ejaculate sooner than women on average, for evolutionary reasons.  That doesn’t mean you’re hardwired to do it forever, however—it is usually just a default, and can be adjusted with a little effort.  By doing Kegel exercises and be adjusting your attitudes toward sex you should be able to last longer in bed without pills.  Look up these exercises; we describe how to do them in other articles on our site.  They help you to gain control over the muscles used to ejaculate.  You can do them whenever you want, wherever you want, easily and without anyone noticing—and you don’t have to spend money to do them.  Most men improve at sex by working harder at it, but not by worrying about it!

Premature ejaculation is usually not caused by an underlying medical condition, and therefore rarely requires medication as an intervention.  Most men can last longer in bed simply by doing exercises which work out the pelvic muscles and by changing their approach to sex.  So don’t spend money on premature ejaculation pills just yet—save them as a last resort; you probably won’t even need them.

If you want to learn the secrets to lasting longer in bed... the secrets that 99% of other guys have no clue about. You should check out Superman Stamina. The guy behind it is a pornstar so obviously knows a few tricks of the trade :). To find out more, you can also check out the Superman Stamina review written by James.

How to Be a Hot Latina

Start with your appearance.
If you look great, then that will boost your confidence through the roof. Let's start with the following:

Curl your hair for thick long hair (Use a 2 inch ceramic curler).
You may also want to take a trip to the salon and ask for a framing around the face. You may also want to straighten it (Use a 2 inch ceramic straightener). Tousled hair is sexy.

 Apply some concealer to all the red marks on your face by dabbing it on.
  You don't want to rub it on. Try a smokey eye. Use eye shadow shades like tans, beige, browns, pecan, or black. What you will need to do for a smokey eye look is apply the tan color to all of your eye lid stopping at the eye brow bone (It's best to use a brush, but if you don't have one, remember not to press to hard with your finger). Next, take the rich brown shade and apply it to the crease of your eyelid. Make sure to blend it with the tan shade for a more professional look. Afterwards, apply some black eyeliner on your top and bottom lashline. Finish off with some mascara for an overall better eye look.  

Finish the look off with some mango or pink color lip gloss.
Which, by the way, looks better with your pecan color complexion.

 Body.
 Remember that the models today are far from the look that guys love. Today, Latinas are known for having sexy, luscious curves. Don't try to have a stick figure because bottom line; that's not in right now. Let me introduce you to a new word: "Thick".

 Having a thick figure means you have boobs, a booty, and thighs, but yet your stomach region is still slim or completely flat.
 If your stomach isn't completely flat, don't worry, all you have to do is some crunches and a few sit-ups. Remember, a thick look will appeal to almost every guy. Having a booty and boobs is essential, but remember, there's always a solution. If you don't have them, try wearing padded underwear for a booty lift or a push-up bra for a bigger chest.

Clothes.
Try wearing fitted clothes that show off your best assets. Wear v-neck and tank tops if you love your boobs. Or wear skinny jeans and shorts if you have a good booty. Wear a ruffled miniskirt once in a while to drive the boys nuts. In the winter wear skinnies with a tank top and a necklace, a zip up hoody, scarf and high heel boots. Try to get a name brand purse. Try wearing aeropostale, hollister, etc. Wear accessories such as necklaces to bring attention to your bust line, but remember to not look trashy. Think classy but still flirty. So whenever you're around guys they will wish they could get with you.

Personality. Remember, guys and girls will respect you depending on how you look and act. So when you first meet someone, act radiant and have confidence in yourself, you know you're beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you different. Always have a smile on your face and when you act and feel confident, people will be drawn to you. The following is how you should act around girls and boys: Girls: With girls make sure not to trust each and everyone of them. There are some girls that will be envious of you because you look beautiful. Whenever some girls start gossip, learn to let it go, but remember, don't look like a push-over (having that boss attitude with those that cross you the wrong way). Be friendly with those that don't.

Boys: Now that you look and act the part of a sexy but confident Latina, boys will be attracted to you left and right. Remember to be flirty, cute, and sexy around them. You're young and just have fun with them. Remember to keep yourself exclusive. There's a difference in dating a guy and going out with them. You can date guys, but when it comes to being a girlfriend, keep yourself exclusive and date only the hottest guys. 

Remember to have fun.
Be sexy, flirty, and cute. Just go with it. Remember this little quote: Boys will want it when you make them chase it.

How to Be Smart

Are you tired of feeling like you don't know what people are talking about? Do people tease you for not being very smart? Intelligence isn't just something you're born with; you can make yourself smarter with a little hard work!

 Aim to educate yourself.
 Keep in mind education isn't the junk you are forced to do in school for diplomas and degrees; it's an understanding of the world around you. People who are naturally curious for some reason begin to stop asking questions the moment they hit school. The truly brilliant mind however, always questions their world and tries to make sense out of it. That is the secret to "genius".

  Work on your vocabulary.
 Use a few definitions from the dictionary each day, or subscribe to a "word-of-the-day" service online. You can also take the vocabulary tests in Readers Digest or buy a book on increasing your working vocabulary. Read the dictionary one word at a time. This will take you at least a year but you will grow intellectually. 

Read a variety of books.
Reading a lot is often described as the secret to intelligence. The smartest people in the world tend to read every single day. You may not always enjoy it, but reading will open up your mind to a variety of new ideas and experiences. Keep your reading diverse by reading books of all genres.

Educate yourself about the world around you.
  Cultivate an interest in subjects like current events, interesting facts, funny and inspiring quotations, good books and movies, scientific studies and interesting inventions. Educational television, like PBS, is a great way to learn. Learning to think critically about the world around you by being aware of cause and effect in events will make you much smarter.

• If you can read much faster than you can speak, it is much more efficient to read a book, or better yet a non-linear electronic document like a wiki than to watch a show for all but the most intellectually demanding or video-dependent learning. Commercial television is particularly bad because its ultimate purpose is to do just enough to keep you at the TV and its ads, not satisfy you so you can do something else.

Make connections.
 Find uses for information, rather than just collecting useless trivia. Burying information somewhere deep in your brain is not useful; you have to be able to access it in situations. Think of situations in which a piece of information will make sense. Then share it and watch it grow! 

Learn a new language.
Apart from being a linguistic exercise, it may bring you into contact with new people and ideas. You may feel less of a stranger when you visit a place and you know some of the language. Also, at some point you will realize that there are some phrases or concepts in other languages that have no direct translation in English! This can be a challenging and fun exercise for the mind. (Note, try to be patient and positive when studying a language as it may take time to reach the level you desire.)

Visit new places as much as you can.
  Try to visit other countries too. Visiting cities in your country or in a different one gives you a open mind and teaches you about the universe. You will be able to understand other cultures (how people live in a different place, how they behave with each other, how they live and so on). You will also be able to understand that there is so much to see and do anywhere. You will be fascinated on how there are so many different people and cultures in the world. That will make you smart and interesting. 

Be open-minded and willing to learn new things.
  Just because you're great at one thing doesn't mean you have to stick to it! Find ways to step out of your comfort zone. This is where the learning happens.

Always ask questions.
 Asking questions and questioning everything around us constantly is what makes us smarter. There's nothing wrong with not knowing the whys or the hows! Everybody has something that they don't know. But by developing a healthy habit about asking when you don't know something, you'll find yourself getting smarter and smarter. 

 Set goals

once a week. Ask yourself during each goal-setting session, how many of last week's goals did I achieve? Why didn't I accomplish some of my goals and what can I do to give myself a greater chance of success?

    Constantly work hard to achieve each of your goals. Without goals, you would have nothing to hope for. Reward yourself after accomplishing your goal.
    Be organized. You don't need to be a total neat freak, but wasting time is not smart. Of course, there are many geniuses who are completely disorganized (think of the absent-minded professor) but if you're making an active effort to be smart, taking a conscious approach to how you spend your time is a big step in the right direction.

Devote time to education.
 Educating yourself takes time, and if you want to get smarter it is going to require effort. Don’t expect it to happen overnight. You need to spend a lot of time actively thinking and learning if you want to really be smart.  

Always learn.
 There are many sources of information out there. For example: books, documentaries, and the internet. School is just one source of information. If you have straight A's, that doesn't mean that you are smart. Exercising an open mind will make you more intelligent and constantly learning will help you get there.

Work on puzzles like the Rubik's cube.
 Doing puzzles like these will keep your brain working and increase your mental capabilities. Your brain is like a muscle: you have to exercise it!

• Sudoku is a great puzzle to try to solve and it expands your thinking. These can be purchased in books, are often printed in newspapers, and are easily found for free online.

Do artistic activities.
Drawing, sculpting, painting and other arts unleash your creative side and expand your problem solving skills. A creative brain can think outside the box to find ways to get things done better and faster.

Do math. Learn how to do mental sums or speed math. The hard thinking that is required for math will make your brain work hard and help develop the connections that will help you think better and faster.  

Write stories or poetry.
  Creative writing forces your brain to work on inventing situations and dialogue, characters and environments. This will make you a better thinker and help you process information. Using language like this will also improve your vocabulary and speech. Writing is also a fantastic way of expressing yourself and your thoughts.  

Simplify.
Talking about things that no one else can understand does not make you smart. Genius is the ability to translate the complex into the simple. Practice explaining concepts to others. See just how simple and clear you can make your explanations. If someone doesn't understand you, it is not their fault for being ignorant, it is your fault for being inarticulate.

 Learn to listen carefully to others' opinions about controversial things, or things they know about and you do not.
  You do not have to agree with them but remember everybody has something to teach you. Asking questions may allow you to re-evaluate your own beliefs, or point out the flaws in theirs. Keep an open mind. The more intelligent you are the more questions you will ask of the people around you.

 Be nice to people.
  Practicing kindness in the face of challenges is a sign of maturity, class and intelligence. Remember that you also have a lot to learn from other people. Being kind to them will allow you access to their lives and experience. Who knows what you might learn?

5 Ways to Be Sexually Playful While Clothed

1. Do not easily take offense.
If your husband occasionally expresses his sexual desire for you by a playful pat on your rear end or making some suggestive reference to what the two of you could do later that evening, can you welcome that with a cheerful heart -- rather than dismiss his advances as inappropriate, disgusting or inconvenient?
Now, before you get defensive with me, I do recognize that not all spouses are smooth with their advances.
I've received pa-lenty of emails from women who don't appreciate being groped by their husbands, particularly in public or semi-public places.
So, a little coaching and teaching goes a long way.  Express what kinds of sexual suggestive affection you find appropriate and enjoyable.  Stretch your imagination on this, walk in respect and strive to not take offense.
It's a good thing your spouse wants to have sex with you and is willing to express that.

2. Use code words or touches that are exclusive to the two of you.
Okay, I can't reveal specifics here about my husband and me, because that would compromise the deliciously fun exclusivity to it all, but let's just say we know.
We know by certain words, touches and looks what we want.  And many of these we could share in the most public of places, and only the two of us would recognize the significance behind those words or touches or glances.
Build your own sexual language.  Build your own sexual interaction that is subtle and crystal clear at the same time! But by all means, don't sexually tease unless you plan to follow through.

3. Become comfortable with sexual joking.
I'm not talking about vulgarity or profanity in your sexual dialogue. Particularly for most wives, that kind of talk is not arousing.
What I am suggesting is that part of what makes sex so great in marriage is a shared ability to have fun sexually, including when talking.
What is key to this is being conscientious of hurtful triggers.  If you know something is going to stir up painful memories or is too delicate of a topic to joke about for your spouse, then by all means, be respectful.  This is the person you love.
On the flip side, if you know you are being unnecessarily sensitive to the way your spouse jokes with you sexually, then broaden your perspective.  Become mutually willing to joke around sexually.

4. Stop worrying about "what the kids will think."
Enough already.  One of the best things for your kids is that they would see you being affectionate with each other, including affection that is sexual in nature.  You don't need to be overt to be playful.
This is particularly fun when your kids are teenagers and are totally grossed out by the fact that their parents even have sex.
While standing in the kitchen one day, I gave my husband a nice passionate kiss and playfully tickled him.  Our older son rolled his eyes and said, "Yuck. Get a room."
To which I seductively said with a quick wit, "Oh we will! Later."
(Groans ensue from teenager, who deep down really is glad his parents are in love and not afraid to show it).

5. Get courageous with sexual playfulness!
Yes, one of the ways to be sexually playful while clothed is simply to try!  If all this seems like foreign territory, then start with baby steps.
Maybe a playful caress in an arousing area of the body or a rather mild comment while you're in the kitchen cooking.
Maybe just say, "Hey, I think what would really help us sexually is if we could be more affectionate when we aren't having sex. Can we try that?"
Maybe just out of the blue in the privacy of your own home (or in the car), run your hand across his penis on the outside of his jeans and say, "I really need an excuse to not do laundry later. Think you can help me find an excuse?"
Anyway, you get the idea!


Sexual playfulness while clothed can go a long way in a marriage. In fact, when all is said and done, I think all the clothing will be somewhere on the floor.

9 Reasons to Be Grateful for Sex

Not that we should reserve shouts of thanksgiving only for actual Thanksgiving Day.
But in the spirit of gratefulness, below are 9 reasons to say "thanks" for sexual intimacy in marriage.  

Let's be grateful that sex...

1.  Slams the door in Satan's face. 

The enemy is out to get your marriage. When you make love often to your spouse, you keep the door from flying wide open.

2.  Is worth treasuring simply because you can!   If you and your spouse are not suffering from debilitating illness or injury -- or separation because of military deployment or work commitments -- then be grateful you actually can make love tonight.  Some couples don't have that choice.

3.  Tells God that you agree with His Word and plan.  He knew what He was doing when He gave married couples the gift of sex.  Let's be grateful for God's holiness and generosity!

4.  Binds you to your spouse physically, emotionally and spiritually.   Sorry to state the obvious, but
who better to be one flesh with than... uhh...the one with whom you vowed to be one flesh?  Just sayin.

5.  Reminds us that orgasm feels really, really good.  (So true. So very true. Well played, God. Way to go on including that nice little benefit).

6. Is a tremendous amount of fun.  If you're doing it right.  And if you aren't and are bored in bed, then good news: You can learn to have fun sexually with your spouse!

7. Doesn't require any cash, make-up, fancy clothes or someone to watch your kids.  That's right!  Let's celebrate that sexual intimacy in marriage is something we can do often, without a lot of prep and without ever leaving the house.  Put those kids to bed early and head to the bedroom.  The dishes, dirty laundry and email inbox can wait.

8. Allows you to walk fully and faithfully in other areas of your life.  Want to be better equipped and refreshed to be a parent, employee, volunteer, ministry leader, neighbor, relative, friend?   Then willingly and enthusiastically nurture sexual intimacy with your spouse.

9. Burns calories.  Seriously, it does! (And today is Thanksgiving, so this point seems particularly appropriate, right?!) Occasionally, after my husband and I make love, I think quietly to myself, "Hmmm. Nice workout. Skip the treadmill tomorrow."  Of course, I don't want him thinking I'm just using him sexually for the workout, but can't the sex be for a workout and for all the other reasons? I think so. And honestly, I don't think he minds being used sexually by his wife! What husband doesn't want to be the preferred choice over the treadmill?)
So, there you have it.

3 Ways to Make Multiple Orgasms Reality

1. Appreciate that your orgasm matters.

I think one of the biggest barriers to a wife having multiple orgasms is that she's not all that comfortable with having even one.  She has reduced her own pleasure during lovemaking to a nice side benefit.  "If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well."
If things are not even marginally good now, you can't really expect "extraordinarily good" to follow.
I would put multiple orgasms in the extraordinarily good category, not because I think they have to happen every time, but because I think when they do happen, they are worth savoring.  But if you don't appreciate the wonder of one orgasm, it's unlikely you'll sing accolades for multiple waves of pleasure.
My advice, one wife to another? Start caring about your own sexual pleasure.  Become incredibly willing to learn your own body, explore the stimulation your body (particularly your clitoris) needs for you to climax, and then teach your husband.
Husbands, let her teach you. Encourage her to teach you. Try different things. Listen to her guidance. Pay close attention to her body cues. Ask. Then ask again.
"What feels good?"  A deep vulnerability for both of you to not only ask that question, but also to mine the depths of its answer, will take you to profound places.
I've long believed that phenomenal sex in marriage finds its roots in the crevices of complete trust in each other and in the Lord's design for sex.  There are treasures of oneness that are yours for the taking. And that's true whether you have multiple orgasms or not.
2. Lean into pleasure.

Okay, so the first orgasm comes... which typically is the strongest one... and our tendency can be to immediately move into "wind down" mode.  The orgasm was good...it opened the door to a very nice room.
But what if there is another door in the room?
Instead of pausing inside the first door, move toward the other door. And when you open up that one, you might be delighted to indeed find another door.
In other words, why not see what happens if you lean into the pleasure after your first orgasm.  Why not see what happens if he doesn't immediately stop thrusting once you've climaxed?
There is a lot to be said for what happens when we as wives embrace what it means to be sexually confident and uninhibited.
You, dear one, are a sexual being. As a wife, God has given you full authority to embrace sexual pleasure with your husband.  All that nakedness (physical, emotional and spiritual) that is happening exclusively between you and your husband in the privacy of your lovemaking? It delights the Lord! He is happy about it.
Are you?
3.  Stop telling yourself they aren't possible.

Yeah, this one seems like a no-brainer, but for a motivational junkie like myself, I truly do believe that everything really does begin as a thought.  So, if you've been downplaying the likelihood of you experiencing multiple orgasms, then your body will likely follow suit.
If, on the other hand, you relax and broaden your perspective, you might be pleasantly surprised at what you discover.  Revel in the possibility of multiple orgasms.
Hey, I admit, I was once a skeptic about multiple orgasms.
But now I'm a believer.  I'm not going to belt out a Neil Diamond song or anything, but I'm still a believer.  With a very content smile on my face.

Don’t Save Your Marriage for the Kids

It's a common argument, you know.
 
When a couple is at the point of researching divorce lawyers and pondering if their incomes can support two households...
When two people who gave themselves to each other now envision a life away from each other...
When a marriage built over years starts to look and feel like roommate status...roommates who happen to hate each other...
Yes, it's a common argument that if they have kids, the suggestion, advice and pondering at least glances at "save your marriage for the kids."
Well, I say, "Don't save your marriage for the kids."
Don't do it.
Instead, save your marriage for you.

Yes. Save your marriage for you.
The two of you were here before those babies came and if you get courageous, the two of you will have something after those babies grow up.
That's what they're going to do, you know.  They're going to grow up and leave (God willing).  They may even take some of your money with them. (Likely).  You'll have already given them all of your sanity. (True story).
And whether they ever say it or not, they will have engrained into their psyche and heart at least a little bit about marriage from what they saw in the two of you.
So, if you really want to save your marriage for your kids, you better figure out how to save your marriage for you.

Could you...would you...should you save your marriage for you?
I can hear the squawking from the sidelines already... that I'm traipsing into a world of idealism.  Some marriages cannot be saved.  (Hey, I know.  I lived through the horrendous remnants of a marriage that was not saved).
But even when I look back on my own failed marriage, I still wonder if it could have been saved had we both humbly walked in that direction.  Baby steps.  Even one step.  I was willing; he was not.
So it should come as no surprise how vested I am in speaking encouragement into lonely dark places where couples entertain the idea that ending their union would be better than saving it.
Ask any marriage mentor or counselor and they will confirm that many marriages that end in divorce could have indeed been saved.
Saved by the two people in it.
Somewhere in the depths of a marriage teetering on divorce, often we find two people who do still have a strand of hope buried under all that resentment, anger and disconnect.
Two people. Each with a strand of hope.  Now we have something to work with.

If that describes you, don't bail quite yet, okay?
This is going to be hard work, but many have done it.  You won't be the first to save your marriage and you won't be the last.
And let's face it -- marriage is hard work.  It shouldn't surprise us that if being in one is such hard work, saving one is going to require a fair amount of exhaustion and gut level effort as well.
Lest we think it can't be done, reality would tell us otherwise!  There are examples of people who have saved their marriage.  I even know two couples who actually divorced and then eventually got married again

As with anything, if we have fought hard to not just save it but to to make it healthy and strong, we discover such investment of ourselves was worth it.  Standing on the other side of all the horrendously hard work, we see.  It was worth it.

I don't know your story or all the circumstances of your marriage, but if you are not divorced yet, could you approach your spouse from the depth of your soul?  Could you try one more time to weave two strands hope together to start to rebuild what has been torn apart?
My prayer is that you explore the possibilities.
And whatever you do, don't save your marriage for the kids.

5 Things About Young Wives SEX

1. Communication is what makes sex great.

Authentic, vulnerable communication where you seek to understand each other is the difference maker.

Don't try to read your husband's mind and don't expect him to read yours.  Talk about sex.  Talk about what feels good and what doesn't. Learn each other's bodies.

If you want to become more comfortable having sex and talking about it, do both of those things. Often.

2. Your orgasm matters.

If you and your husband do not take to heart the importance of you experiencing sexual pleasure, you will soon find sex to be a chore. You will resentfully endure it at best and outright avoid it at worst.

Sexual pleasure is not just for your husband; it's for you too.

God's design of your clitoris is part of His vision for profound intimacy between you and the love of your life.

3. Real sex doesn't look like a romantic movie.

Real sex is often messy (I mean, literally messy).

Real sex is often awkward, especially until you get the hang of things.

You may think right now that you want sex to look like it does in your favorite movie, but truth be told, you don't.

Just like you thought what you most wanted was the perfect wedding… when deep down what you really want is a strong and loving marriage.

Don't let Hollywood fool you. Real sex is better than fabricated sex.

4. Not all sexual encounters are created equal.

Don't let any one sexual encounter be your gauge of how things are going in your marriage.

Sometimes sex is "off-the-charts-leaving-me-speechless" amazing.  If you are paying attention to points 1 and 2 above, you will have orgasms and soul-drenching connection that will be unlike anything you could have even imagined.

Other times, though, sex feels routine.

When you occasionally have sex that feels routine, don't slip into paranoia and start thinking things like "we've lost the magic" or "he must not be attracted to me" or "the best is behind us."  That is destructive thinking that will lead to division and heartache.  A better approach is to see point 1.

5.  Authentic sexual intimacy will make your marriage better.

This is so hard to see right now, but you're going to have to take my word on it.  If you are like most married couples, you will soon discover that along the way, life gets complicated.
There will be details.

Like mortgage payments.  And babies.  And car seats.  And, "What are we doing for Christmas?"  And, "You want to take a job where?!"  And dog puke.  And minor fender benders. And overtime at work. And, "We're out of milk. Again."  And, "There is 2 inches of water on our basement floor."
Oh, there will be delight and joy and tender memories too.
But it's the hard stuff and daily grind of doing life that take the greatest toll on a marriage.
Sex helps you navigate all that crap, because it equips you to remember you're in it together. You will be better able to extend grace. To take a breath.  To embrace a long-term perspective on short-term roadblocks.

You will see your husband more as your ally than your adversary.

Keep Your Marriage Strong

I couldn't resist participating, so here is my list of of what we do to keep our marriage strong:

We do each other.

Often. Gladly. Passionately.  We like sex a lot and it's a sweet, tender, sacred part of our relationship, so I couldn't resist saying we do each other.
I mean come on, it was a like a slow easy one right over the plate to have to use the words "We do..."
Yes, our marriage is so much more than sex, but at the same time, how well our sexual intimacy is going is a fairly accurate gauge of how well our entire marriage is going.

We do grace.

I know this has shown up on a few of the blogs, but it's true in our marriage as well.  Oh my goodness, if it weren't for grace, our marriage would be stuck in an angry neutral place.  And we wouldn't be having any sex.  How much fun would that be?!

Grace, grace and more grace.  The marriage vows should include something like... "Do you promise to extend more grace than you ever could believe possible... and then extend even more?"

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that our ability to do grace is because of our faith in Jesus Christ.  His example encourages us and equips us.

We do family time.

Awhile back we started doing a family movie night each Sunday. Keep in mind how hard it is to find a movie that holds the 14-year-old's attention, yet isn't over the head of the 8-year-old.  Yes, we  have many other family moments too, but our Sunday movie tradition has become such a sweet thread in the fabric of our family.

We know our marriage is stronger because we are so deeply in love with our kids.

We do messy house.

Our carpet is from the early 1980s.  Our furniture looks like an eclectic collection from the Goodwill.  Our kitchen floor has been in need of replacement since the Bush administration.  The first Bush.

No, our house would never show up on that hoarding show, but it will never make the inside spread of Good Housekeeping either.  Plus, we have a dog. Enough said.

Though our house has its fair share of clutter and cobwebs, we feel irresistibly comfortable here.  It is our haven.  Our place where we do life and love.  And we never fret over a spill or muddy paws.

We do public display of affection.

The other day, we were in the car as a family, and the heater was on.  I said I was "hot" and my husband said, "I know you are." To which I said mischievously, "That's right. I am hot. I'll show you how hot later."  A cry of disgust from the teenager in the backseat, "You are killing me. Yuuuuckkk!!!"

Hilarious.

Our display of affection -- public and private -- endears us to each other in indescribable ways.  And it demonstrates authentically to our children that our marriage matters... that we are in love and enjoy showing it.

We do virtually no debt.

We are so close to having zero debt, it even amazes us at times. What does this have to do with marriage?  Well, my husband and I feel like marriage has enough stress of its own.  Why add financial stress?!

Plain and simple, we just don't care about things we can't really afford... because we don't want the toll on our marriage or the bad example for our kids.

We do inside jokes.

Are you and your spouse able to joke about things that only the two of you really find funny? I think there's something so sexy about that!

My husband and I laugh at the same things, and why we laugh is often because of a shared understanding that is exclusive to the two of us.

We do vulnerability.

I admit this one wasn't easy for me.  Early in our marriage, I still operated in a bit of self-protection mode. After all, I'd been hurt bad in my first marriage, so it was no wonder that my mind tried to wrap itself around some kind of emotional survival clause.
But authentic love doesn't work that way.
And I grew to realize that to have something real, you have to be willing to risk your whole heart.  Ironically, it is in that kind of heart risk that I found true safety.  We do vulnerability and transparency because we have humbly seen the profound positive difference it makes in our marriage.

So what about you?  If someone asked you what you do to keep your marriage strong, what would you say?

5 Ways to Be a Better Lover

1. Let the Word, not the world, be your guide and gauge as to what makes for great sex.

 If you want to be a better lover, you have to keep in check the lens through which you look.
All that stuff in the movies and on TV and in music videos, etc. -- they call it "make believe" for a reason.
Those are choreographed scenes that are "made" so that we will "believe" in something that is usually a skewed version of reality.

In a way, wedding photography, especially the formal portraits, slightly falls into this category as well.  I love my wedding photos as much as the next person, but they capture the choreographed essence of the day -- they do not reflect all of the real life that has come after that day.
God is a sexy God, and while He is pleased with weddings, He speaks with greater depth and interest in the marriage.   And as for the sex, what a gift He has given  us!
Seek His heart and His Word and discover what He says about sex.
Allow yourself to come in agreement with Him on the holy and passionate and abiding gift it is.
2. Become a student of your spouse's body.

Guys, you are at a slight disadvantage here, but don't let that dissuade you.  As for the "disadvantage," all I mean is that a woman's body is some crazy landscape and wiring.  A lot of emotions beneath the surface, as well as, at times, a bewildering road of hormones.
Don't give up, Oh Grasshopper. Keep learning.  Keep traversing the landscape.
Gals, I think for many of us, the biggest stumbling block with a man's body is that we think all that really matters to him is what happens with his penis.  Don't be so quick, though, to dismiss your ability to arouse him in other areas as well.
If he is like most husbands, he longs to be desired by you.
Desire him. With your eyes. With your hands. With your mouth. With your breasts. With your heart. With your words.
Desire him.  Make sure there is no question in his heart as to how you feel about sex with him.
3. More foreplay.

I really don't know how to be clearer on this point than simply how I've already stated it:  More foreplay.  In bed, out of bed, in the car, in the kitchen. You name it.    Subtle. Direct. With words. Without.
If you want to be a better lover, sex cannot be confined only to the act of intercourse.
4. Exchange specific feedback.

You know what is more helpful than "Oooo... that feels good"?  How about, "When you run your hand gently up my inner thigh and then take your time exploring my..."     Well, you know where I'm going with this.
My point is that you are a better lover when you understand the specifics of arousal that really make a difference for your spouse.... AND you are willing to share what specifically arouses you.
5. Have more sex.

Occasionally, I will get an email from someone asking what is "normal" as far as frequency of sex.
Every couple and life stage has it's own circumstances that affect frequency, so "normal" is really a subjective term.   But in general, I lean toward "more frequent is better."   Now, I'm not saying that you should be doing it just to check it off your list, lest it becomes chore-like.
Quantity can't stand alone as a factor; it needs to work in tandem with quality.
A friend and I were talking the other day, and she shared with me that sometimes when tension starts to increase between her and her husband, it's often a good indicator that they've gone a bit too long without sex.

Certainly some tension and stress are a part of marriage, BUT infrequent sex will likely compound any tension.  And sometimes, lack of sex is the sole source of the tension.
What would you say about frequency of sex in your marriage?
Are you and your husband on the same page about how much sex is enough?
Do you recognize the animosity that starts to increase when too much time has passed since the last time you made love?
I just think having sex as often as reasonably possible makes you a better lover, in part because it better equips you to be loving and gracious and fun in other areas of your life.