You’re Boring
• Your pictures are repetitive, predicable, and offer no mystery or excitement.Fix: Get better pictures of you doing better things, or unique shots. Mirrors, webcam, nightclubs… boring. Professional/model shots or you playing tug of war with a kitten? Winning. Even a picture of you just hanging out is good.
• Your messages are generic and uneventful. Entire messages comprised of only: “Hey, Hi, Sup, How r u, UR CUTE, What do you like to do, K, Sure, Neat, lol, yes” are guaranteed a 0 response unless your picture is really sexy/exciting, which leads to checking out your profile, which better be amazing. Likelihood of that happening: near absolute zero.
Fix: Say something fun, but don’t try too hard. Keep it simple at first, but be creative. If you’re not creative, just be honest without being weird or desperate. If you can’t, practice not being needy and creepy first. Some people can’t type to save their life, so if that’s you, give them your number and talk.
• Your profile is dull. It doesn’t have to be a lot, or magical, or even exciting… but it does have to show some personality. If online profiles are any indicator, most people have deathly boring personalities. If that’s not accurate, too bad — that’s all anybody has to go by. Likewise, clothing and style plays the same role. Even shoes, jeans, and a white tee can be sexy and stylish — it’s not about fancy. Also, dull stares and uneventful faces. Emote for heaven’s sake!
Fix: Develop a better personality and learn to communicate it. Develop your own style that’s congruent with your life.
• Your conversations are boring. You don’t add any value to the conversation, you have no imagination, your questions are lame, and pretty much the whole topic is trying to pull nails out of a gorilla… which would actually be more fun. You wouldn’t believe how many gorgeous women fail this (yes, it’s a test, and a deal breaker), and how many average-looking women I’ve picked because they were a blast to hang out with. If you can’t be playful and imaginative in a conversation, it’s over before it began. If I ask you what your secret agent name is or what super power you’d pick, and you don’t reply or just say IDK… you are a brick. You likely won’t enjoy day dreaming awesome adventures with me, and you likely will not partake in any sexy role-plays. Sorry, but you’re no fun, and fun = sexy.
Fix: Read good books, go on crazy adventures, learn new things. Watch things like TED talks. Becoming an interesting person is simple: always be doing interesting things. These are things you don’t hear about everyday, or wouldn’t seem likely for somebody like yourself to do. Talk about grand ideas, minimize the gossip, and ask questions that mean something.
2. You’re Unattractive
• You have unattractive habits like chain smoking, doing meth, bullying others, or kicking puppies. You have unruly acne, “skin conditions”, poor hygiene, or are obese. You use excessive make up or camera angles and crops to hide it. Physical health is a massive component of beauty. There’s a difference between “curves” and “fat”, and a lot of women and men happen to be more than just curvy. Perfection not needed — heath, very much so. This is wired biologically and has helped evolutionarily, so don’t blame people for being superficial when they don’t want to make love to somebody who might engulf them. I do not believe in encouraging harmful body images, nor do I in helplessness. Anything we can create in ourselves we can heal. I’ve seen and heard it all; your excuses are irrelevant. If you’re not motivated to go to the gym or eat right, how the hell are you going to make a relationship with somebody else you have 0% control over work?Fix: Get healthy, or at least be honest. We still love your charming personality, but most HQM are healthy and happy. They don’t date victims — so take responsibility to eat clean and exercise. You don’t have to be buff or a size 0, but tone, clear skin and face, stylish hair, and a happy smile are doable for us all. “I am less confident, attractive, and happy now that I’m healthy, clean, and fit.” — Said no one ever.
• Not my type. Nothing really wrong with you at all, there’s just no physical spark.
Fix: None likely, or possibly some other aspect of you is just irresistible. If you’re actually healthy and fit, you can find somebody that finds you attractive based on their preference and your ideal state, not your false sick self.
• You do weird, creepy, off-putting, socially awkward things. Also, dick pics or perversions off the bat? You should know better by now. Guys are usually more guilty of this than socially-aware women, however it’s not exclusive. HQM tend to know other high quality people and share a busy social life, and if you’re somebody that makes everyone uncomfortable, chances are that’s just not going to fly too well.
Fix: Learn about boundaries and social norms. You don’t have to fit into a perfect little mold, but there are basic social norms like personal space, touching, language, etc. that you should be aware of in relation to your mate’s circle. Stalking people is a no. Breathing on somebody’s face, no. Following people around, no. Staring like you want to wear somebody’s face as a costume, not that either Hannibal. Learn when getting sexual is desired and comfortable for the girl you’re with. Nervous, uncomfortable energy can be felt too – people don’t like to be around that. If you have to ask about these things, you likely are. It’s okay – have a good friend help point out the weird things you do that turn people off. And believe me, we all have our things. I’m all about fighting the good fight against culture, but you can rebel and still not be a creeper.
3. You’re Passionless
• You don’t have any dreams, visions, or major goals for your life or others. HQM are doing things with their lives and have passions, even if they’re not pursuing them. They have things that light them up besides TV shows, junk food, and drugs/alcohol.Fix: Find your purpose, or something you’re passionate about in life. Share it with vigor! Encourage others to as well.
• You sex like a dead fish. You’re checked out during intimacy and don’t initiate anything. You’re slow to act and show little joy or even excitement around getting physical. Even talking about sex is a chore with you.
Fix: Stop being so damn depressed, guilty, or shy. If you don’t know what to do, go learn to be great inbed . If you’re shy, develop your confidence. At the very least, find a reason to be happy to be alive. Be around things that inspire you. Develop a healthy relationship around your sexuality.
4. You’re Effortless
• You don’t put effort into meeting, conversations, or any form of communication. This usually means you’re either intimated, shy, confused, busy, disrespectful, playing games, or completely non-interested. As you can tell this creates much confusion, which most HQM don’t have time for.Fix: Engage. If you like the person, put some effort into the conversation. You don’t have to be needy, but if you’re chatting… chat. If not, then leave. Respect their time, or they won’t give you anymore of theirs. If you’re not interested, do nothing further.
• You don’t put any effort into bettering yourself. HQM are called “high quality” for a reason, and likely put time into bettering themselves and others, so they expect the same from you. Too much to ask for? Lower your standards then, because they won’t.
Fix: Actually put effort into improving your life, in all areas. You’re not stuck at what you think you are now. If more people followed this instead of being a victim and complaining they can’t find the man/women of their dreams, more would find somebody closer to their dreams.
• Too much effort. I know, contradictory, but replying to a “Hello, how are you?” with 6 paragraphs with links and 3 post-scripts is scary. This can often lead to the next point. So, 2 year anniversary? Lots of heartfelt effort. 1st conversation about cats? Leave 5 sourced-excerpts of Wikipedia out of it, please.
Fix: Learn to control your excitement. This one has been big for me, as it was rare that I found somebody I can actually relate to, I now personally have more tolerance. But for women who get 50 messages a day (yes, literally), it’s impossible to even comprehend reading so much from somebody she doesn’t even know who’s trying to connect both of your life stories through an alignment of Jupiter 173 years ago to the coincidence of a divine sign that…
5. You’re Crazy
• YOU TALK LIKE DIZ ALL THE TIME!!!!!! NO PPL ARE alLoWeD WHO CANT CnTrL COMMUNICATION.….….……I personally read this as somebody who’s likely bat-shit crazy. Call me superficial, but I couldn’t date somebody who messages me like this all the time — I’d go crazy. I have found poor chosen typing skills (people that purposely go against the structure of language) typically indicate erratic forms of behavior. This is also similar to things handwriting analysis reveals, but on a different medium to a lesser extent,
Fix: Seriously? For cereals? Stop typing like an idiot – it’s not cute or clever, and nobody will take you seriously. My brain hurts already; stop yelling and close your thought. You don’t have to be impeccable. Type for the respected medium, but this goes back to the “Effort” section as well. Oh, and all HQM find everyday intelligence sexy (not necessarily book smarts).
• Red flags. What are red flags? Things that come in conversation or profiles that indicate you’re likely to be a problem, cause problems, or have Mr. Problem show up uninvited to your door while we’re having sexy rumpus time in your dungeon. Things like:
- excessive “ex” references
- many “harmless” obsessions
- downplays of compliments
- emotional manipulation, instability, overreactions
- daddy/mommy issues
- trust issues
- unresolved sexual traumas
- cyclical history of abuse (dating verbally or physically abusive people)
- working at Disneyland
- childhood fixations as an adult (see above)
- escapisms
- white lies
- binge drinking
- too-soons (I love you, let’s be BF/GF, marriage within days/weeks)
- little to no quality friends
- bitterness, anger, hostility, depression, jealousy, controlling, etc
Conclusion
To some this post may seem obviously basic, to others it will be pompous and crass, and to others I hope a harsh wakeup call. I really can’t believe how many girls/women that I see online or in person that don’t get these simple things, and wonder why they are alone. It’s an unfortunate fact that most men AND women I encounter online (and discover quickly offline), don’t have most of these taken care of. Sometimes they do, but other things get in the way of communicating this, and we can’t blame others for the initial impressions we give them.There are bigger reasons, greater purposes and missions, more important things in life than this — yes, I know. But everything I’ve recommended has not been about changing for another just to get a hotter date – it’s about become a better person first and foremost that will inherently attract higher quality people into your life. Which really in the end, makes the world a better place for all of us.
HQM isn’t a ranking of people, it’s deserving who you want. Faulty as assessing lovers on such criteria is, and as guilty as I am for having ridiculous standards — the underlining message in this post is about empowering others to become a better person that more people want to be with.
Everyone in the world can become a high quality person — it’s not comparative with others. A car can be high quality regardless of its price or if it’s a luxury SUV, a sports car, or a pickup truck. It’s how strong it’s built, how it performs, and how long it lasts safely. Becoming a better person doesn’t lower the quality of others around you, it only raises them up with you… and who doesn’t want to date somebody like that?
I’ve written this post to illustrate things I don’t see anybody frankly telling people in a way that’s not overly offensive or bitter. It’s not very politically correct, and I don’t like going around telling people they’re crazy or unattractive. But I’ve personally overcame each one of these points, and want to tell people they are not stuck getting poor dating results with people they’re not attracted to. That they are not hopeless and at the mercy of chance love. That they can start thinking different, acting different, talking different, and become an improved version of themselves, closer to their potential, which will attract others likewise into their dating experience which equally meet their own personal standards.
If you’re looking to become a higher quality person, living the life of your dreams, adding value to the world, and having an amazing love life, get in touch with me now to work one-on-one to help cultivate your ultimate self.
No comments:
Post a Comment