Flickin' it: Who, what, where, why, how, and is porn involved? Three real women speak anonymously.
At what age did you first start masturbating?
Woman A: Probably around 5 or 6.Woman B: 18? 19? Freshman in college.
Woman C: Younger than 4? I don't ever remember not doing it (once I realized what it was). My neighbors, who were sisters, all 1–3 years older than me, told me about it. This is a super-weird concept for me now that I'm an adult, but it was really innocent since there was no comprehension or apprehension. Just, "Hey, check out this cool thing I discovered," like it was a new game.
Were you aware of what masturbation was?
Woman A: No, definitely not. I finally realized what it was when I was 11 or 12 and read Judy Blume's Deenie. (Blume actually used the word "masturbation" so I was able to make the connection). After that, my mother gave me a Catholic book cataloguing every single sin (to be used before going to confession) and I found that "masturbation" was listed under the sins for "Thou shall not commit adultery." After that point I stopped masturbating for around 2 to 3 years. (I swear I'm not as crazy as I used to be).
Woman B: Yes.
Woman C: No, I didn't actually understand what it was until I was probably 9 or 10. This is when I started watching "more mature" movies/television, and when I remember kids talking about sex in general. So once that became a conversation I had a basic knowledge of, it became very obvious that's what I was tapping into with that particular activity.
What was your early-years masturbation technique?
Woman A: Just clitoral stimulation. I also for some reason always laid on my stomach.
Woman B: Just your classic finger-clitoral stimulation.
Woman C: Rubbing on pillows or whatever felt good. The most rudimentary stuff for many, many years.
Has it changed over the years or do you still masturbate the way you did when you first started?
Woman A: It's still the same, but I no longer lay on my stomach. I don't know why I did that?
Woman B: I stick with the classics.
Woman C: No, that would be quite the quirk. There weren't any big changes until high school, once I was actually partaking in sex with a boyfriend. I didn't try anything new on my own, but once I knew other things felt better, they were incorporated.
How quickly are you able to get yourself off?
Woman A: Very, very quickly. It probably only takes me a minute or two, but obviously I like to enjoy it, so I usually stretch it out to make it last longer (also, better orgasms that way).
Woman B: If I'm in a time crunch I could probably have a go in about five minutes?
Woman C: Very fast if there is something or someone else there, i.e., masturbating in front of my boyfriend or porn. I'd say five minutes once I'm actually doing it. If there is nothing else happening — by myself, nothing to see and/or hear, closer to 20 minutes.
How quickly do you come from sex?
Woman A: I am capable of coming from sex without fingering my clitoris but I don't usually choose to. I can come from sex alone after about 10 to 20 minutes. With using both I can come in under five minutes (again, I don't usually choose to make it that fast).
Woman B: Penetration? Rarely, if ever. Depends on the guy. Def not in five minutes.
Woman C: Pretty fast, 5 to 10 minutes, but I usually come multiple times during sex. On average every three to five minutes after the initial orgasm. This is very new though, just in the last year; I feel like I went through a second puberty.
Do you find that masturbation has helped you articulate what you enjoy with your partner/what helps you get off?Woman A: I don't really think that it was masturbation that did that. I think it was dating a man who made me totally comfortable with my sexuality. I used to be extremely embarrassed about masturbating. I didn't tell any of my friends in middle school or early high school, and kind of thought that I was the only one who did it. My first boyfriend asked me if I did, and I'm a horrible liar, so he quickly discovered that I did. He helped me to realize that it was totally normal (something that my Catholic mother would never have talked with me about).
Woman B: I don't think so? But then again, I haven't exactly been with a guy that I feel like being "chatty" with. Is that weird?
Woman C: Yes, I recommend it to friends when they're having trouble, too. Most of the problems my friends tell me about, in my opinion, could be improved upon by either practicing on their own or incorporating masturbation into sex with their partner. It's really important to find out what feels good to you, not just what is supposed to feel good.
Have you ever bought a vibrator? Why/why not?
Woman A: Ugh, god. I really hate vibrators. I bought one at one of those corny at-home sex toy parties when I was in college (that was my first one). Vibrators depress me for some reason. They make me feel like, "I wasn't able to find a man to fuck me, so I settled for this lousy vibrator instead." I think I'd rather just have a one-night stand than use a vibrator, since I'm so easy to get off. I even much prefer to just use my hand than have some artificial dick in me. Although, now that I really like having both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, and I have much better orgasms with both, I should give the ol' vibrator a try again.
Woman B: I swear this is going to be my year! I want one, then I get squeamish, then I want one, and then I actually saw the Rabbit in person at Babeland, and my whole body seized in fear. I guess I just don't know what I really want in a sex toy. Plus, I'm getting myself off just fine.
Woman C: Technically, no, but I had a boyfriend buy one for me as a parting gift when we were entering a long-distance relationship. I spend my disposable income on food.
If so, do you use it?
Woman A: No, I tossed it my senior year of college.
Woman B: (See above.)
Woman C: I never use it because it's so loud, but it was a very nice present! It's the famous Hitachi Magic Wand and it's too rough for me. Every once in awhile, if my roommates are not at home, I'll bring it out along with layers to protect me and make it actually very enjoyable.
Do you use your imagination, watch porn, look at pictures, or ... ?
Woman A: I definitely watch porn, another thing I feel guilty about because a lot of the porn industry is so fucked up, and I don't, like, pay to watch ethical porn or anything. I just like watching what's free on the internet.
Woman B: Imagination and porn.
Woman C: All of the above, I'm the female "Don Jon" minus the addiction, but I prefer sex with another person. The mental and emotional aspects make it way more interesting.
If you watch porn, what kind?
Woman A: I watch a lot of lesbian porn, but I find it pretty unrealistic most of the time, which isn't very hot. I also like anal and dominatrix-y stuff. I also love James Deen (like any other straight-ish girl). I think his porn is ridiculously hot.
Woman B: If straight, I enjoy a good male authority figure role play (teacher, boss, etc). But I also tend to enjoy most lesbian porn (meaning two women, not porn for lesbians) that doesn't focus as much as being as raunchy as possible? I guess when it comes to porn, the less cinéma vérité the better.
Woman C: Whatever looks interesting and is free. When I first started watching porn though, I only watched girl-on-girl just because the guys made me really uncomfortable and whenever they were involved it was all about them. Plus I didn't want to risk seeing something that felt less than consensual, and it functioned as a safety net against seeing that happening. Now, I prefer the guys being there as long as it looks like everyone is happy to be there.
Are you embarrassed to admit you watch it?
Woman A: No, not really. Maybe to a public stadium full of people. Well, also I would never, ever tell my mother. I guess I might if she were a normal person.
Woman B: I used to be. I didn't think other girls would watch porn unless their man wanted them to. Totally a result of not really exploring my sexuality until now.
Woman C: No, but I don't bring it up. I feel guilty because I know the odds of me finding something where all parties are really happy to be doing what they're doing for an anonymous audience are incredibly slim.
Do you talk about masturbation with female friends?
Woman A: Oh, definitely! I don't spare any details from my female friends. We talk about techniques, if we use vibrators or not, how long it takes to get off (basically most of the questions this survey asked).
Woman B: Only recently. Some of my friends still get really uncomfortable talking about it. It upsets me! If I had known that other girls were masturbating I wouldn't have waited as long as I did to do it myself! In high school, guys would joke about masturbation all the time and everyone would laugh. It was cool for them. But if I would have made a joke about that I'm sure I would have been shipped off to Nun Island. It kind of bothers me in retrospect about the conversational limit that women put on themselves and their sexuality. I GET OFF, SO CAN YOU! (JK, kinda.)
Woman C: If they ask, hell yes, but most do not. Even if a female friend is asking me for advice about sex with a partner, they still seem to shy away from the topic, even though it really would help!
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